Stay
by Jounetsu-no-Hana
Summary: What do you do when all you want is to leave, but there's so much holding you back?
1. Chapter 1

**Welcome to my new fanfiction, titled STAY. It originally had More Amor songs in it, but then I realized that song-fics actually aren't my cup of tea to read **_**or **_**write, so I ditched it. This was originally going to be a long one-shot, but then I realized it would be a **_**very long**_** one-shot, and then I was having trouble deciding on a title, and it was a mess, so finally, I decided a story would be so much easier. Enjoy! :D**

* * *

"Bored, bored, bored, bored…" Rikku repeated over and over again in a sing-song voice.

"Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored," Brother answered from the kitchen, dumping the plastic carton of strawberries into the blender. Rikku pushed her head back far enough so that she could see Brother upside down from her spot on the floor. It was an uncomfortable position, but she figured it was working her neck muscles. Or something…

"Is blitzball on TV or something?" she groaned. Brother uncapped the milk with his thumb, letting the cap roll around on the floor, and poured all the milk into the blender. Then, he went and got chocolate ice cream from the freezer.

"Rikku, I've told you this ten times already today. It is _not_ blitzball season," he said. He smiled mischievously as he set the ice cream on the counter to soften up and went to go find more things to add to his concoction. Rikku relaxed her neck took a lock of her golden hair and inspected it for split ends. Not that _she_ would ever have a split end. She finished with that and dug her hand into the chip bag, but then realized that through the course of the morning, she had eaten all the chips. She sighed and flopped her arms out so that she made a T on the floor.

"Why isn't blitzball in the summer time when people can actually go to Luca for games?" she asked peevishly.

"People _do_ go to games during the fall," Brother grumbled to her, taking peanut butter and scooping a heap of it into the blender. The blender was starting to get very full. He started scooping the ice cream into it with his tongue plastered over his upper lip, concentrating on getting the ratio of ice cream to peanut butter just right. He finished and added a few dashes of cinnamon, then a few shakes of salt and pepper. Rikku curled her lip as she watched him from her spot on the carpet floor.

She remembered that a few years ago, when Mom was still around, the carpet was plushy and you could just fall on it like it was a cloud. Ten years of heavy boots and angry stomps out of the apartment had worn the carpet down thin, so it was hardly even comfortable anymore.

"That looks disgusting…" Rikku stated.

"_You're_ disgusting!" Brother shouted back before she had even finished, his eyes wide. Rikku raised an eyebrow at him. They had a stare off until Brother shuffled away, returning the ice cream to the freezer and grabbing some grated cheese from the refrigerator, along with a lemon. He threw the grated cheese in and cut the lemon in half, then squeezed the juice from the lemon into the blender. "And now… the moment… of _destiny_," Brother said dramatically. Rikku flipped over onto her stomach to watch, laying her forearms flat on the floor to prop herself up. Brother stuck the lid on snugly and turned the blender on. All went as planned for about three seconds, and then, the lid sprang off when a particularly powerful glob of peanut butter and chocolate ice cream hit it from within. Rikku covered her mouth in shock. Brother ran for the escaped lid.

"Turn it off!" Rikku yelled at him. He was hastily looking for the 'off' button on the blender while nodding in agreement.

Meanwhile, his disgusting idea of a summer snack was flying all over the kitchen, sticking to the ceiling and walls. Chocolate ice cream went straight for the refrigerator, splattering over family pictures that were held there by magnets. Finally, Brother simply jerked the cord from the wall, and the blender died down. He stood there, staring in shock at the now menacing blender. Rikku laced her fingers together and slid them down to the floor, resting her chin on them with a thrilled smile. She kicked her legs up and swung them back and forth. "Pops is gonna 'tan yer hide'," she said, imitating her dad. Brother looked to her, still panting. He didn't disagree. He just dreaded.

"Quick! Help me clean this up!" he said, letting go of the cord grabbing a paper towel, tugging it so that a long ribbon of paper towels came sailing out. He ripped them all off and went for the counter, which had lemony grated cheese strawberry gunk all over it.

"No way, mister! You're on your own!" she yelped. She sprang from the floor and ran to the door. "Bye bye!" she called, waving to Brother as she left the house. She was going to leave soon anyway. Pops had told her to stay inside, but… whatever. She couldn't just sit in there for another minute, or her legs might have gone crazy. She trumped happily down the hallway, relishing the feeling of motion.

"Hey, sexy!" someone called. She turned her eyes. Ugh, Gippal. She scoffed in disgust at him and kept walking. "Catch ya later," he said, his wolf pack laughing at his _obvious_ hilarity.

"Mm, I don't think sooo," Rikku sang, making sure to swing her hips a bit more as she walked away. The wide hallways of Home were especially crowded today, full of people going down to the oasis maybe, or basically anywhere to have fun on this summer day. Funny thing is though that it's hard to enjoy a nice warm day when you have to worry about being baked to a crisp while you're out there frolicking. Not that the Al Bhed hadn't grown accustomed to the heat.

She walked down to the junkyard and sauntered over to Mr. Lohor, the old man who was self-employed at the junkyard. "Whatcha got today?" she asked, peering at the short machine that was being worked on. It had a cute little face made of buttons. Al Bhed found their machina far more personable when they had a face.

"Nothing interesting," he said, pushing his metal mask off of his face. That only makes her want to know what it does _more_. "What're you doin' all the way down here?"

"Brother made a mess, so I thought I should get out before I got into big trouble with him. Pops should be back soon," Rikku explained. "He deserves it," she continued, not giving Mr. Lohor the chance to speak. "He tries to make all this gross food, but then, they all turn out dis-_gusting_, and he tries to feed it to the fiends! And people _wonder_ why we have some of the only species of things on Bikanel, it's because _they're mutated_!" Mr. Lohor laughed and pushed his mask down again, working his boot into the sand for a good footing and taking his wrench, turning a screw round and round in the core of the machina. Rikku put her hands on her lower back and bent over. "Can I help with anything?" It was a nice day outside, although on Bikanel, every day was nice. There were a few fluffy white clouds flying overhead, which made it all the more quaint. The junkyard where Mr. Lohor put together some machina and sold it around was covered by a shade, so he didn't have to worry about the heat from the sun. She watched as the screw tightened on the machina. Rikku could work on machina all day, if she was allowed. Her hands were calloused from the work in general. But, she prided herself in them. Who cares if all the other girls think that it's gross to work on machina all day? All they care about is their hair and their clothes. Where's the fun in _that_?

"Nah, I'm actually just finishing up, Rik," Mr. Lohor said, sliding the mask off again and putting the wrench into his tool box. Rikku wilted.

"There's nothing going on even in _here_?" she asked miserably. She came down here when she was super bored and desperately looking for something to do. Mr. Lohor was nice and everything, but the work was slow. No heavy duty machina. Basically, appliances, or clean up stuff.

"Well, I'm making dinner for my wife tonight, so I gotta get home early," he said, wiping some grime from his hands with a white towel. Rikku smiled halfheartedly, swinging her body back and forth.

"That's nice of you…" she said quietly. She can only imagine Mr. Lohor's cooking…

"Yeah. Hey, how's your daddy doin'?" he asked, closing up his toolkit.

"Ugh, same as ever," she answered. Mr. Lohor was always wondering if Pops was dating again. And the answer was always no. And the answer will always be _no_. Rikku just stared at a pile of bolts, twisting her foot around in the sand until her boots were covered by it. Mr. Lohor nodded. When he saw that she wasn't willing to pursue the topic any further, he cleared his throat.

"Well, Rik, I have to lock this place up and get goin'," he said awkwardly. He obviously felt bad about shooing her away when she just got there.

"Oh, I can do it!" Rikku said. He twisted up his face.

"Uh… Rikku…" he said.

"I won't cause any trouble! Please, please, pretty please! I'm _so bored_!" she said. He allowed a smile to play up on his old, wrinkled face. He sighed in resignation.

"Awright, just make sure you lock it up good, all right? Kids try to up and steal m' stuff all the time," he said. He tossed the key to her. She caught it with one hand and gave him a bright smile.

"You got it, boss!" she said, running off into the maze of junk. She heard the door creak closed and went to explore in the junk yard. It was full of things that she could just imagine becoming a machine to do useful things. She could see heating up one sheet of metal, forging it together with another to make a dome, putting something inside, throwing on some paints to make it more resistant to electricity... Eventually, she went over to the machina that Mr. Lohor was making. It looked like it would be able to function by now. There was a glowing, orange sphere stuck into the side of it. She saw the bright blue switch to turn it on. Better not though. She went behind another pile of junk. One man's trash is another girl's treasure.

* * *

The door groaned open.

"Helloooo?" Rikku pursed her lips as she sat up straighter. _Intruder…_ "Mr. Lohor?" She stood up and hid behind the large pile of whatsits, waiting for her moment to strike. She tapped her finger against her thigh a few times in anticipation, then leaped out.

"Gippal!" she yelled as Gippal jumped in alarm. "Come to steal some of Mr. Lohor's junk, huh?" she snapped, pointing a finger at him in an accusing way. Gippal straightened up and looked around him.

"Why would I steal junk?" he asked her. Rikku just continued to glare at him. He grinned and shook his head. "Nice to see you, too, kid," he said, walking past her and rustling her hair. She arranged it back to the way she had it and turned.

"What are you doing here, then?" she asked, following him closely. It was her job to protect Mr. Lohors junk- er, _stuff_, and she was going to take it seriously. And she would definitely not let Gippal wander around here like he owned the place. He's a delinquent. He's a bad kid. Every one knows that. Even Pops, who can hardly see past his own nose. He tells her, 'I don't like that Gippal boy, you stay away from him, y'hear?' _Don't have to tell _me_ twice._

"I was just going to ask Mr. Lohor if there were some things he was willing to give away," he answered absentmindedly, winding around the tall piles of metal and other things, occasionally picking at a piece of scrap metal. Rikku followed, nearly on his heels. She didn't trust him one bit. "Where is he anyway, kid?" he asked.

"First of all!" Rikku started, putting a finger in his face. "My name's not _kid_! Get it right!" Gippal just stared blandly at her, obviously not going to change his name for her. Or he actually forgot her name. "_Second_, he went home to make dinner for his loving wife, and _third_, he will not be giving freebies away to you anytime soon," Rikku said, crossing her arms and walking away from him, making a point to toss her ponytail in his direction for more emphasis.

"Oh, really? Because he does every other day. At least, the days when _you're_ not here," Gippal says. Rikku made a face at him. What was he getting at? Does he torture the poor old man into giving him things? What if he hurts Mr. Lohor? Rikku heard that Gippal threw a little dog into the oasis once. You can't get more heartless than that.

"He told me to lock this place up, so, out you go," she said, pushing him sideways by his shoulder towards the door. He put his hands in his pockets.

"You're so powerful," Gippal said sarcastically.

"Just get out, Gippal!" she said angrily. She couldn't help it if her skinny frame didn't leave much muscle to work with.

"I'll just come back later, anyway," Gippal said as he allowed himself to be shoved over to the door.

"So _you're _the one that steals his stuff!" Rikku said accusingly, throwing in an extra burst of power. It didn't do much. Gippal grabbed onto the doorframe and faced her, and she was unable to move him anymore.

"No, I leave proper compensation for him," he said with a glint in his eye as she backed up and put her hands on her hips.

"Where, buried in the sand so you can come back for it?" Rikku asked.

"No." Rikku waited for him to tell her where he left it, as proof that he didn't, on top of drowning puppies, steal from old men. "Oh, please, like I would tell _you_ where I leave money for poor, defenseless Mr. Lohor, with your sticky fingers!" Gippal said. _Me?_

"I do _not_ have sticky fingers," Rikku answered. Brother chatters way too much about the things Rikku takes from him. "Besides, I wouldn't steal from old men!"

"Oh, who are you now, Robin Hood?"

"Ugh, whatever, the point is, I don't steal things!"

"Oh, right, you just get the five finger discount," Gippal said, holding his hand up and spreading his fingers apart, waggling them at her. It was his downfall. She shoved his chest with all her might, and he fell out of the doorframe. She slammed the door behind him and turned around. The heavy iron door creaked open again. "By the way—"

"Get out!" Rikku yelled, spinning around. Gippal pushed the door open more just to annoy her. He leaned against the door frame, and she pursed her lips at him.

"Anyway, before you so rudely interrupted me, I heard you got nominated to go on that trip thing off the coast," Gippal said. Rikku straightened up. Finally. Some recognition. Gippal may be the cool guy around, but he was also a big machina nerd. She knew that he would be super jealous of her.

"Yes. I did," she answered. If she had feathers, she would most definitely be preening them right about now.

"There's only one spot for a minor, right?" Gippal asked, lounging on the door frame. The iron door creaked as it was blown all the way open from the wind. Rikku looked to the horizon before she answered. A sandstorm was on its way.

"Yeah," she said absentmindedly as she ran over and pulled the iron curtain down to block the sand from the junk. She did that to the three walls. Gippal waited patiently for her to return to their conversation.

"Right. And it's all mine," he answered. Rikku's mouth dropped open. This was only the biggest thing that could happen to the machina enthusiasts. A chance to go out on a trip with the big leagues and learn the ropes, hunt for old machina, all kinds of things. When you go on this yearly trip, you're set for life.

"_You_ were nominated too?" she shouted, her voice sounding extra loud now that it was in the closed space. She could hear the wind howling around the relatively small area.

"Yeah. What, did you think I wouldn't be?" Now, if he were a bird, he would be preening too.

"I hoped you wouldn't," Rikku grumbled. It's true – Gippal was real competition. The others had been nominated to make it seem fair, but none of them were up to par with Rikku. Except Gippal. Everyone knew he just had a way with machina.

"Yeah, and I'm guessing they'll _have_ to pick me, because if they chose you… well, you know," Gippal said with a grin on his face, jerking his head to the side in a sort of shrug. Rikku tilted her head, narrowing her eyes in suspicion. If he was finding a way to pay off the voters, two can play at that game. But would he admit to something like that?

"What?" she asked quietly.

"Well… You're Cid's girl." Rikku felt steam coming out of her head. It was the monkey on her back since she was a kid. She was always left out of maybe doing fun stuff, or getting in trouble, because since she was Cid's daughter, she would _inevitably_ get them all in trouble some way or another. She marched over to him.

"Listen, Gippal! _I_ am going to get that spot, and it will be because of what I can _do_, _not_ because of _Pops_," she said angrily. _Like he would vouch for me to go on something like this, anyway_…

"And you're sure about that?" Gippal asked in a hushed voice, tilting his face down so that he could look right into her eyes. Height was not a gene in her family. Still, she mustered up all five foot one inches that she had.

"_Yes_," she shouted. "Now, seriously. Get-out." She pushed him out again with her hip, and he willingly went. She closed the door and locked it with the key.

"Well, whoever wins, we'll still be pals, right?" Gippal asked behind her. She looked over her shoulder at him with her eyes narrowed.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot. _Were_ we pals?" Gippal just smiled at her, narrowing his eye right back at her. She gave him the sweetest smile she could rally and turned on her heel back down the hallway. She went up to Mr. Lohor's apartment and stuck the key into his mailbox, hoping nothing would happen to it. She glanced around herself then, suspicious that Gippal might be waiting around the corner to take the key and go steal whatever he wanted. And definitely not leave Mr. Lohor any 'compensation'. She took it out again after a second thought. He probably had a second set of keys… she would just bring it back to him tomorrow.

* * *

She walked back to her apartment and went inside. The place was nearly spotless. She walked into the kitchen to see Brother scrubbing the floor with all his might.

"Rikku!" he screeched.

"Yeeees?" she sang, putting her finger on her chin in a thoughtful manner.

"When I finish this, I'm going to toss you out the window!" Brother said, but in such a Brother-ish way that it could hardly be considered a threat.

"Uh-huh. I'll be in my room," Rikku answered.

"At least help me get the-."

"Nope."

"Rikku…" Brother whined helplessly. She walked back over to him and patted him on the head like he was a good little Al Bhed.

"Maybe you'll stop making gross things in the blender now," Rikku said. He still glared at her, then turned back to the icky stuff on the floor and continued to clean it up. "By the way, Pops should be home in about a half hour." Rikku could almost see the sweat rise out from his pores as he started to scrub the floor faster. She giggled a bit, then went to her room. She finally cracked the spine of her machina book. She was determined to go on that trip.

* * *

**Don't get confused, but next chapter is going to be a tad different. I'm sure you'll catch on very quickly though! :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**It's FRIDAY! That means it's update day! Did I not mention that? Yes, updates will be on Friday, because I realize that sometimes I update like a lunatic, and it leaves no suspense for you guys. Not that you like cliff hangers. Mee hee hee…**

I toss the keys onto the front table and stare at the perky little flowers in the vase. Mom must have been walking today. I quickly whirl my head around and look apprehensively into the apartment.

"Mom? I'm home," I call, a little worried. She can't have gotten that far...

"Hi, Gippy!" Mom yells from the other room. I breathe a sigh of relief, rubbing the back of my neck. Always happy to see me. I walk into the small living room and smile at her.

"Hi," I say, leaning down and kissing her forehead from her spot on the couch. She gives me a small smile and shifts her shoulders into a more comfortable position, then turns the TV off.

"How was your day, sweetie?" she asks when the buzz of electricity from the TV dies away. She pushes a fuzzy, pink knit blanket off of her legs. I just shrug. "Did Mr. Lohor not give you anything?" she asks with concern in her eyes.

"Uh, no… he wasn't there," I say, not really wanting to get into that. "Are you okay, do you need anything?" I ask. I look down at Mom's broken body as she lays the blanket over the top of the couch neatly. Her legs have been getting thinner and thinner lately, probably from not using them. I tear my face away from her legs and look into her eyes. It only lasted for half a second, but I'm sure she knew I was staring. I feel ashamed of myself and look away from her all together, staring out the window. We're lucky. We have an apartment with a window. Not that there's much to see outside. We can watch sand dunes change.

"No, I'm okay, thank you," she says with a smile. "I just need a little company! I've been all alone all day!" I know she's kidding, because when I try to stay home with her for the day, she tells me that I need to enjoy my summer vacation with my friends.

"I think I can manage that," I say. "What do you want for dinner?"

"Whatever's good for you," she says. I hate when she does that, because now, I'm afraid I'll choose something that she doesn't want. I walk over to the cabinet and open it. It's starting to get bare. I'm going to have to go down to the grocery store soon. Good thing Cid agreed to have some money still sent to us when Mom was taken out of work. If only Cid's girl knew… I mean, it's not like we could technically see eye-to-eye. But machina goes crazy all the time. Just… never thought it would happen to us.

"Well… we've got pasta in here," I say, taking out a box of linguine pasta and looking at the box. Whole grain. That's good, right? The doctor said she should eat healthy, since her weight was going to be receding. "I could make some tomato sauce with a little too much tomato, your faaaavorite." I grin as I say it. Mom loves her tomatoes. She could eat them with anything. She likes to pair it with even more tomatoes.

"But you like it with a little too much salt," she calls from the living room. I get a crooked smile on my face.

"How about I put in too many tomatoes, and too much salt," I say. I open the refrigerator and realize we only have enough tomatoes for 'just enough tomato'. Oh well. I'll just put in a little less salt then.

"Deal," she says. I nod and take out the tomatoes, olive oil, everything I need for tomato sauce. I've got it memorized by now. I fill the pot with water and start that up on the stove, hoping to possibly get everything ready at the same time. Even though it never happens. "You don't have to cook for me every night, Gippy," Mom says quietly. I start to cut up the tomatoes absentmindedly, even though that's probably a bad idea. She says this every day. And lately, it's been getting to me. It used to be easy to just brush it off and tell her I was fine with it, but today… I put the knife down and walk into the other room. Her blonde hair hangs around her, completely lifeless. I sit down at the bottom of the couch, where there's room. It's not a very big couch, but Mom's not very tall. Five foot two or three.

It's only been a few months like this. A few months ago, I would be lying here, staring at the TV, while Mom made me tomato sauce with too much salt. And one day, it was all reversed.

"Mom…" I say. She just tilts her head and waits for me to continue, with that normal good-natured half-smile on her face. "I don't mind one bit staying with you."

"But you've got your friends," she says. I hang my head down, and get ready to try to explain to her _one more time_ that she's more important to me than my friends. "Gippy, I was a teenager once too, believe me." I look up at her. "I know you want to… hang out with the guys, and get a girlfriend." I just smile shyly at her. "And when you get a girlfriend, I don't even have to meet her right away! We'll wait until I get better," she says. When she gets better. _When_ she gets better. I chew the inside of my cheek and get up from the couch.

"I better go make sure nothing burns," I say. I start to heat up the skillet for the tomato sauce, pressing my palms against the edges of the counter to hold myself up.

"So, Gippy, _do_ you like anyone?" I laugh loud enough for her to hear.

"Not in particular," I answer, starting to cut up the tomatoes again.

"Yes, every girl on this island isn't good enough for _my_ boy," she says proudly. Mom… I lick some tomato juice off my thumb and keep cutting, not replying to her.

"Everything's ready," I say. I walk over to her with my arms out.

"Oh, wait, wait, wait!" she yelps, holding her arms out at me. I put them up by my head in surrender. "Look, I can get there myself!" She pushes herself to the edge of the couch slowly and reaches for her walker. I push it towards her a bit. She gets a flicker of annoyance on her face, but immediately turns it into a smile. I feel a dark, painful feeling in my chest right away. She wants to do things on her own. I know that. But I've grown so accustomed to helping her out, especially after that month…

She grips the handles of the walker and pushes her weight on it, standing up shakily. It slides out a bit, and I immediately grab onto it until she gets up. She doesn't say anything. But she looks up at me with a triumphant smile. I give her a wide smile back, then hold my arm out towards the table, set up for the both of us. I had set the vase of pink flowers in the middle of the table for a homey effect, but put my plate on the side adjacent to hers so we could still talk to each other. I bowed to her, and she laughed quietly and started to walk step by step to the table. She was about halfway there when she stopped and let out a breath that she had probably been holding since she had started walking. She was panting, and she laughed… in self-pity.

"Oh, all that walking this afternoon," she said. I frowned. So she _had_ been walking. "Those flowers you put there," she said, pointing to the vase with a shaky finger. "I put those over there," she pointed to the front table, where the keys to the house were sitting, lonely. "They used to be in my room."

"Yeah?" I ask.

"Mm hm," she says, nodding. "It was looking dull by the front door. But… I guess I wore myself out," she finishes.

"That's okay," I say. I duck down and lift her up carefully, carrying her easily over to the table.

"How embarrassing… my son has to carry me to dinner."

"I don't mind," I answer. I set her down in her chair and sit down myself. I wait until she starts eating to start on mine.

"You didn't put enough salt in it," she stated. I shrug.

"I was more in the mood for tomato-y sauce tonight," I say, eating a huge mouthful of pasta. She laughs as the sauce drips down my face.

There's a knock at the door. Mom and I turn our heads from Spira's Funniest Videos.

"I'll get it," I say, hopping up from the couch. I take bouncy steps across the apartment. I open up the door and feel my heart jump-start when I see Cid standing there with his hands shoved into his pockets. Cid's an open book. Something's wrong. And he's not even trying to hide it.

"Hello, sir," I say, opening the door up wider. He just nods in greeting.

"Hi, Cid!" Mom calls when she sees who it is.

"Hi, Nazu," Cid says, holding his hand up in a wave. "Gippal," he says, all seriousness. I look at him. "Could I have a word with y' out here for a moment?" I nod slowly, looking over my shoulder at Mom. "I only need 'im for a few minutes, Nazu," Cid assures her. She smiles. I go out into the hall, quietly closing the door with a _click_. "Gippal… I know these have been a hard few months for y'…" Cid starts off. I stare at the floor and nod a bit, trying to avoid eye-contact. "And I just wan' to tell y'again how sorry I am."

"Thanks," I say quietly. Cut to the chase. Cid clears his throat loudly.

"Anyway, I… I have to tell y' somethin'," he starts. I look up at him, waiting. "Y' know how your mom's old company is still payin' her, on disability leave." I nod. A blessing from… whoever's up there. "Well… they can't keep doin' that forever. They need that money. And… well, you know." Yeah. I know the details. I think I know what's coming, but… I want to hope for just a few more seconds. "All I'm sayin' is that once you turn eighteen… you've got to get a job. The company told me today that once you're eighteen, they ain't payin' her no more."

I feel… Ugh, what do I say? I feel… anger. A storm. I can feel it making my joints creak. How could they just say something like that? My heart is pounding in rhythm with my head. So many things to say… to ask… After all her years of working for them, they just tell her that they can't waste money on her. When it was _their machina_ that…

"So… you're saying I'm going to have to get a job right out of high school? I can't go to college?" I ask. It really is a shame. I could've gone for machina. Research, and things like that. Make my own someday. Now, when I get that excavation trip, it's not even going to count for anything.

"I'm sorry, son. I only wish there was more that I could do for y'," Cid says. Yeah, right. He practically owns the business. He can do anything for us. He could send us on a getaway to Besaid Island, or Kilika. Not that we'd be very welcome, seeing as we stick out like sore thumbs as 'enemies of society'. "Truth is, the economy is really goin' down lately, and they can't spare the money if they don't have her workin'."

"It's okay… I know how it is," I say. Cid shuffles his feet uncomfortably. He never was one for words, really. I wonder sometimes how he managed to organize all the Al Bhed and stick them on this island like a cattle herder.

"The world's forced y' to grow up so fast…" he says quietly. I look at him and shrug, trying to make it seem like this news has not affected my plans at all.

"I had to eventually. Might as well be for my mom's sake," I say. He claps me on the shoulder.

"Spoken like a true man," he says. I just stare at him. Usually I would be ecstatic for someone to say something like that to me. But… now was not one of those times. "Now, when y' turn eighteen, and y' need some help findin' that job, don't hesitate to ask me for help. I'm sure I can set somethin' up for y', somethin' good for the both of y'," Cid says. I relax a little. Cid probably _can't_ do anything about the company dropping my mom's payroll in two years. I'm surprised they even agreed to the _next_ two years. Especially after they found out… Besides, the economy _is_ going down. "Anyway, I'm goin' to let y' get back to your mom," he says. I nod and slowly turn back to my door, opening it. "Oh, and, Gippal," Cid says.

"Yeah?" I ask, turning back to him.

"Good luck on that… that, uh, whatever thing it is you were nominated for," Cid says, waving his hand in the air as he tries to remember the name of the program. Honestly, the name is so long, _no one_ remembers what it's actually called. They just know what it's for. I manage to smile in the bleakness of the moment.

"Thanks," I say. I go back into the apartment, and mom's sitting peacefully on the couch. I sit down next to her again.

"What did Cid want?" she asks. I pinch my mouth up, trying to decide what to say.

"He just wanted to congratulate me on being nominated," I say after what felt like ages, but what was really only one or two seconds.

"Oh, that was nice of him," she says.

"Yeah," I answer. We both turn back to the TV in silence. She has a right to know. It's her job. She's the one who will be dependant on me. She's the one who will be stuck here the rest of her life.

But I can't tell her. Not right now.


	3. Chapter 3

**It's not summer vacation anymore, by the way. :) Please please please review! Please?**

* * *

She stuck her tongue to her upper lip as she started to inch the wires closer together. Her heart beat with anticipation. All she had left to do was touch the wires together for a split second to get this machina up and running. Any longer and it would cut out. Again. She had learned the hard way that mixing cables like this needed precision, when she had screwed it up an hour ago and was forced to start all over, since there was no chance of reviving it. So, she had picked the machina up from her living room and moved it down to this secluded deck that nobody went to, because it had a lovely view of the sandworm's burrows. _Closer_… This was one of those temperamental machina that if you didn't do it just right, it's dying whir would sound like it was laughing at you. It made her want to rake her hair out of her scalp. _Just a bit more_… She knew she had to get a good grade on this in her extra curricular machina class. Gippal had the same assignment, and the board for the… the thing with the long name… they were watching them _veeeery_ closely. It was no secret that it was going to be a close call between Rikku and Gippal. And so, she was going to work her ass off to get this. Just a little more, and then she'd have to tear them away so-.

"RIKKUUUUUUU!" She just… lost it. It was all the sounds at once. The door banged open to let the sound of the busy hallways fill the outside. There were loud, pounding footsteps on the metal deck. A deafening, high voice pierced through all the other sounds. Even a sandworm looked up from its lunch to see what was going on. Anyway, the wires were suddenly jerked towards each other, and they touched each other way too much for Rikku to have a chance of salvaging it. The machina hummed and died away, the lights went out on it, and a puff of smoke came out from the inside of it. Great. Time for another try. Rikku squinted her eyes and leaned away from the smoke, waving it away with her hand. She looked over her shoulder as her friend, Oci, galloped over, with irritation apparent in her eyes.

"Oci, I'm kind of in the middle of something…" Rikku said, not trying very hard to keep from snapping at Oci.

"Guess what?" Oci yelled, not listening to Rikku.

"Yeah?" Rikku asked, turning back to the machina and spinning it around, ripping the back off of it.

"Gippal asked me to go out with him tonight!" Oci squealed, jumping from foot to foot. Rikku rolled her eyes. Oci had been dating Gippal for the past few weeks. The week before that, he dated Nisre. And so on and so forth. Rikku had tried to talk Oci out of it, but she knew that whatever she said, Oci would just go out with him anyway. But anyway, as long as he was distracted with hooking up with Oci, he wouldn't be working hard enough on his acceptance letter. It was as good as hers. She brightened up.

"I hope you have a great time!" she said, examining the inside of the machina and trying to decide where to start this time. Maybe there was a shortcut...

"Really?" Oci asked suspiciously. Rikku turned and stood up. She placed her right hand over her heart.

"Swear to Yevon!" she said. Oci punched her shoulder lightly.

"I definitely can't trust you then!" she laughed. Rikku laughed a bit. "Is this that assignment that the old windbag gave you?" Oci wasn't a huge fan of machina. But she also wasn't a huge fan of the machina teacher, either.

"Yes, the old windbag told me and your boyfriend that it would be a really good thing to work on to 'distinguish ourselves'," Rikku said, lightly tapping the hunk of junk with her toe. The truth was that nobody actually knew what this old machina did. Only that they found a pair of them in the desert and that it was a pain to actually make it work once it was taken apart. Rikku had a feeling it just sat there and beeped every once in awhile. Of course, Oci didn't hear most of that sentence, after Rikku had referred to Gippal as 'your boyfriend'. She put her hands on her cheeks.

"Do you really think he likes me?" she asked dreamily. Rikku bent down next to the machina again.

"Well, he's gone out with you a few times now. I-."

"Four times."

"Yeah. I think that means he likes you," Rikku said, unscrewing the cover to the core of the machina. Oci giggled.

"Oh, shoot, I better go get ready," she said. "Have fun tinkering, darling!" she said, patting Rikku on the head before she ran off the deck. Rikku laughed a bit and shook her head. She would enjoy herself very much, thank you.

* * *

She was glowering through the hallways as she walked with the still broken machina in her hands. People warily got out or her way, but she didn't comprehend how her meager height was intimidating people. She was only listening to the thoughts in her head. _It's no big deal. You've still got a day to finish._ She looked up at the ceiling and sighed. Now people were getting out of her way because she really wasn't watching where she was going. _But… what if Gippal's already finished, which is why he has time to hang out with Oci? If he hands it in a day early, I'll look pathetic if I hand it in the day it's actually due. Spira… he might as well just move the date up to tomorrow._ She got home and walked quietly into the living room. She heard Pops and Brother talking quietly in the other room.

"I just don' know. This can't be good fer 'im. I'm jus' worried that it's jus' gonna break him," Pops said. Rikku looked into the kitchen. Brother and Pops were sitting at the small kitchen table. Small, because they hardly ever ate meals together anymore. Brother was staring at Pops with a distressed look, which wasn't much different from how he normally looked. The only difference was Pops. He was covered in some sort of gloom. He had his fingers laced together and rested his forehead on the platform they made.

"Who?" she asked. Pops looked up at her and put a smile on.

"No one you know," he said nonchalantly. She scrunched up her nose. Sure, she may not know _every_ Al Bhed in Home. But she knew pretty much everybody her Pops knew… She just shrugged it off. Whoever it was, they must not be too upset, because she would have noticed by now if they were. Or maybe she really just didn't know them. "Uh, so, how'd the machina go?" Pops asked. Brother retreated into his room without a word to Rikku. Which also wasn't out of the ordinary.

"Horrible. I was this close – _this close—_to being done with the stupid thing, and then… Oci comes running in and I kill it _again_," Rikku complains. Pops made a clicking sound with his mouth and shook his head at the machina thrown carelessly on the floor.

"Yeah, that's a nasty one. I remember diggin' that one up," he said, rubbing his nose with his thumb in a way that said, 'No big deal'. "Took us forever to figure out how to turn the damn thing on, and then, it don't even _do_ nothin'."

"Then why not turn it into scrap metal and do something useful with it? Like maybe start that research company you've been wanting to make for… like, forever," Rikku suggested, savoring the idea of just tearing that machina that looked a bit like a crab into a million tiny pieces.

"Rik… you want me to make a research company out of this one little machina?" Pops asked with a grin on his face.

"No! I mean… like, you can scrap the other one too…" Rikku suggested. Pops let out a whole hearted laugh and pulled Rikku over into a head lock. She shrieked, but she was laughing. She wriggled out of his grip and hurried to her room, still giggling. She stopped at her door and looked back at Pops over her shoulder. "Seriously, though. If there are more useless machina like this one, you can finally start that research facility." Pops just got a blank look on his face for a moment, then looked at Rikku.

"Rik, you know why you're so smart?" he asked. She tilted her head and turned all the way around, leaning her back against the edge of her doorframe. Pops looked at the ground in front of him. "Those people of Spira… they want all their contraptions to come with a 'how to' manual. But you… you just _know_ how to make something work. It's… you're so smart," Pops said, looking back up at Rikku. Rikku bit her bottom lip. She felt a sentimental moment coming on. That would only end uncomfortably. So, instead of running over and giving him a hug, she just smiled at him and slipped into her room. She closed her door and left the lights off for now. She crossed her room and picked up a picture of her mom. She slid her fingertips across the rim of the frame, looking into her mom's smiling face while she held Rikku in her lap. Rikku was too little to know yet that when a camera is pointed at you, you smile. She was staring in fascination, or just blandness, at the camera. Her mom was bright, happy… full of life. She would have been proud of Rikku. She liked machina just as much as she did. Rikku ruffled her eyebrows and put the picture down. She fell down on her bed and closed her eyes. She regretted not hugging her dad back there. Was it too late to go back and do it now? She heard the sphere go on. It would be super awkward now. She would walk in there and try to hug him while he was sitting down on the couch. That would be terrible. She rubbed her face in her pillow.

* * *

Her door slammed open for the second time that day. She jumped as a wailing filled her ears. Her heart suddenly leaped. Someone was dead. She knew it. She gripped her pillow and waited for the words.

"Rik-k-ku!" she sniveled. "It's… _ugh_…!" Rikku relaxed. It was Oci. Oci would be in hysterics if someone was dead. For Oci, this was not hysterics. Rikku flipped over and turned her lights on, then sat up. Oci was in tears. She sat down on Rikku's bed, and Rikku scooted over to her and put her arm around her. No offense to Oci, but she cried every week. And just as hard as she was now.

"Shhh, sh, sh, sh. Tell me what happened," Rikku said quietly, trying to be comforting. She rubbed Oci's shoulder blades in small circles.

"He _broke up_… _with me_!" Oci squealed, pressing her hand to her chest. Rikku pursed her lips together. Typical Gippal. Gippal _always_ ditches girls.

"Did he stand you up?" Rikku asked quietly.

"N-n-no…" Oci whispered. Ah. Well, that was a step up. "But we were seriously like, _five minutes_ into the date – like, we were in the _middle of the hallway_ – when he just stops me and says…" Oci's face contorted. She must have been remembering it. It was a real shame. Rikku looked at her face. Oci really is a pretty girl. And you can tell she worked especially hard on her appearance today. Just for _Gippal_. Gippal, who probably didn't notice. Rikku put her arms around Oci and hugged her. Oci was crying harder. Rikku had never really liked anyone before, so she can only imagine what Oci might have been feeling. But she had heard from people that when you're going through heartbreak, a hug is very affective in cheering you up.

Oci stayed over that night, and they just left early to get her school things before they went into class. Oci's eyes were red from a morning cry at having to go into school and face Gippal. She had told Rikku that there had been a few people in their school in the hallway when Gippal had publicly dumped her. Rikku reminded her that she doesn't have any classes with him, but she then told her that she had machina class with him. Which has blow torches and other forms of torture devices at her fingertips. She told Oci that she was willing to throw away her excavation position for her, if it meant she got to show Gippal who's boss. That got Oci laughing, even as she wiped her runny nose all along her arm.

It was Rikku's worst nightmare. Gippal walked into class with the pain in the ass crab machina and placed it on the teacher's desk. It bounced up and down with life, waiting to be used, even though it didn't do anything. Her mouth was hanging open, but she just couldn't make it stop. That... show-off, stupid… _meanie_!

"Gippal, it's not even due until tomorrow," the teacher said in a surprised tone. Gippal shrugged.

"I finished it last night, and I didn't want it keeping my mom up another night from all the beeping," he said. People were slowly backing away from Rikku as she glared at Gippal from her work table. If looks could kill… "Oh, and I figured out what it does!" Gippal said excitedly.

"I could've told you that," Rikku snapped. Gippal turned to her with a confused look.

"When did you finish it?" he asked curiously, his eyebrow pulled down right next to his eye. She leaned back in her stool, losing her composure a bit.

"Uh… I didn't yet. But I know for a fact that it doesn't do anything," Rikku stated.

"Ah, that's where you're wrong, Princess!" he said. "Hey, Nisre. Turn the lights off," Gippal said to a girl in the corner. She nearly ran over to the lights and switched them off. Gippal set the machina in the middle of the floor. Rikku leaned forward on her stool, waiting for Gippal to fall flat on his face. "It was an entertainment machina," he explained in a professional voice as he knelt next to the machina. He pressed the buttons in a short but complicated sequence, and lights suddenly were coming out of the machina from the inside. They were brightly colored, piercing from the machina in a straight line to the wall. Rikku couldn't help herself. She put her hand out and let a green light wash over her skin. The crabby legs then stood up on their tips, and the machina started to rotate in a circle. The girls in class 'ooh'ed and 'ahh'ed and 'Gippal, you're so smart'ed. Rikku wanted to kick the stupid machina over. This _definitely_ isn't worth anything. Scrap it. _Please_. She glanced at Gippal. He looked completely and utterly complacent. Rikku was presently searching for a wrench to throw at him. Poke his other eye out.

"Wonderful, Gippal!" the teacher said. Gippal stepped forward and turned the machina off. Nisre turned the lights reluctantly back on, and Gippal returned the humming machina to the teacher's desk. Rikku was practically panting in her frustration.

"How the hell did you figure something like that out?" she snapped.

"Rikku! Watch your language!" Rikku ignored her teacher. Gippal walked over and leaned one hand on her table.

"Why don't you just admit that I'm better than you?" Gippal asked casually. Rikku gave him a withering glare and turned to her table, writing down some equations. "Ooh, no answer. I'll take that as agreement."

"I wish I could shove this screwdriver up your nose," Rikku said quietly, not looking up from her paper. Gippal outright laughed.

"Not very friendly," Gippal said. Rikku turned her head lazily his way and smiled sarcastically until he felt uncomfortable. Of course, he didn't. He just leaned toward her even more. "So honestly, are you even close to finishing that machina?" he asked.

"I'll have you know that I would have finished before _you_ if…"

"If…?"

"If my friend hadn't come to me with a crisis," Rikku said lamely. Partly true. Which reminded her…

"That was convincing," Gippal said, turning and going to his worktable. Too late. She turned back to her table with her lips pursed tightly together. She would get him back. 'Revenge' was one of her favorite words.

* * *

She banged the junkyard door open. Gippal was sitting on Mr. Lohor's stool, examining a piece of machina. The cool night air sent a chill up her spine as her senses rejoiced that the hunt was over.

"There you are!" she yelled.

"Were you looking for me, sweetheart?" Gippal asked in a teasing voice, not turning to look at her.

"Oh, shut up," she said. She looked around. "Where's Mr. Lohor?" she asked.

"He asked me to watch this place for him while he went to grab dinner," Gippal said. It was chilly outside in the night air. There was a lamp lit in the corner, enough to cast orange light on Rikku and Gippal's right sides, shadows on the other side. The junkyard was really a ridiculous place. You might think that they were just randomly placed piles. Which, Rikku still thought they were. But, apparently, they had a distinct rhyme and reason to Mr. Lohor.

"Sure…" Rikku said. "You know what, you're a big meanie!" she stated. Gippal spun around on the stool.

"Why do you say that?" he asked, resting his arm on his knee and his chin on his knuckles. There was a faint smile on his face, but Rikku tried to ignore that he was practically laughing in her face.

"Oci _really_ liked you, and you just dumped her like it was no big deal! In a _hallway_!" Rikku shouted.

"Ahh," Gippal said, leaning back and nodding his head. "Where would you have told me to do it?" he asked.

"You know what Gippal, you're going to end up alone. You are _completely_ incapable of loving _anybody_," Rikku said. He stood up.

"See, Cid's Girl, that's where you're wrong. Actually, I may be the most… poetic, love bug infested person you'll ever meet," Gippal said, twisting around the towers of junk. He had his face turned downwards and was staring up at her through his eyelashes.

"Doubt it," Rikku said.

"No, really! I'm like… like that little train! 'If at first you don't succeed, try, try again'!" Gippal said. Rikku stared at him for a few seconds.

"That's—_no_! The train said, 'I think I can'!" she corrected him. His arms flopped down at his sides and he looked up at the ceiling.

"Oh…"

"You're a _moron_!" Rikku said. Gippal shrugged. "What do you mean by that anyway?" she asked. Gippal ended his stroll through the junkyard a few yards in front of her.

"I mean… even if I don't fall in love the first time, I'm going to try again."

"Maybe you should stop looking so hard." She thought for a moment. "You can't fall in love in three weeks anyway! And that's how long your relationships _usually_ last!" Rikku said.

"Well, yeah, but I _can_ tell in three weeks whether I will ever be in love with this girl."

"That's not true."

"Why not?" Gippal asked. He was just begging for a fight. She knew it. Well, he could have one.

"Because, my Pops knew Mom for his entire life and didn't fall in love with her until he was twenty," Rikku said, grinning triumphantly at him. Gippal shrugged.

"He probably knew before that it was _possible_ he could fall in love with her. Like… you and me! Do you think it's possible we could ever be in love?" he asked, leaning towards her a bit.

"Absolutely not," Rikku said without a moment's hesitation.

"Not at all?"

"No." The thought made her skin crawl. Hugging Gippal and… kissing Gippal… _blech_.

"Hm…" Rikku looked apprehensively at Gippal. If he was going to try anything on her, she was prepared to throw some scrap metal at him and run for it. Someone would hear her scream. "Nah, you're right," Gippal said, sitting back down on the bench. "You'd be too much of a handful."

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?" Rikku asked, putting her fists on her hips.

"All it means is… Yevon help whoever becomes _you're_ boyfriend," Gippal said. She scoffed in indignation and crossed her arms over her chest, turning away from him. "So… Want to take this machina for a spin?"

"Wha… I'm not going _anywhere_ with you!" she said.

"You don't have to," Gippal said slowly. "The machina's right here." Rikku looked over him at the machina sitting in the middle of the work space. It was the same one Mr. Lohor had been working on a month ago, near the end of summer vacation. "I've been wanting to know what it does, and I think it's ready."

"What if we get in trouble?"

"What's the worst that could happen?" Gippal asked. Rikku chewed her bottom lip. To be honest, she had wanted to know what it did too. Ever since she saw the sphere in it, she had wanted to know what it did.

"All right, but just really quick!" she said, scurrying over and peering over his shoulder at the tiny little machina. Gippal looked over the machina for a few seconds, then pressed the glowing blue button. Light flickered from the top of the machina, and a blue-ish square appeared on it. Rikku stared at it. Nothing happened for about a second. Then, it started to whir with activity. A picture appeared in the square. Now she understood. The machina played spheres. And the one playing now was the sphere inside. It was showing walls with glowing glyphs on it. Then, it showed the base of something… _humongous_. Rikku's mouth slowly fell open as she recognized machina. Where could something like this _be_?

"What are you doing?" Rikku and Gippal spun around quickly. Mr. Lohor hurried over and shut the machina off. The picture disappeared immediately.

"We didn't break it or anything!" Rikku assured him. Gippal was already backing towards the door. She glowered at the coward. He frowned and stopped walking backwards, staring at the sand beneath his feet. Rikku turned back to Mr. Lohor.

"I think… it's time you kids went home…" Mr. Lohor said quietly. Rikku knew an order when she heard one. She and Gippal raced to the door, throwing it open. Gippal waited until Rikku was back in Home and slammed the door shut behind him. The both just stood there for a second. Then, he turned, and they started walking in silence. Finally, she whispered,

"What _was_ that?" Gippal just shrugged in response.


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry about the super late update, I got caught up in finals. xD But now, finals are over, summer is here, and I get to write as much as I want! By the way… The Last Airbender comes out in two weeks. Just so you know, I'm super excited. I should really write a fic about that…**

* * *

I just stare at the envelope in my hands that Cid handed to me. I glance up at them all. I'm pretty sure I know what's in it. After all, why else would about twenty well dressed Al Bhed, some mechanists, and Cid be standing in front of my apartment?

"Well? Aren't y' gonna open it, Gippal?" Cid asks. I take in a sharp breath and nod, attempting to rip open the sealed envelope. It doesn't happen very gracefully, and it's mangled by the time I get to the letter inside. Everyone chuckles politely when I hold the folded paper up in triumph. I unfold it and read the beginning lines.

'_You've been awarded a position in…_' I can't help but smile a bit.

I knew it.

I knew I was better than her.

I look up at everyone. They're waiting for my response. I can't think of one thing to say, though. I look at Cid. He's the only one not smiling. I know why. I bite down hard on the inside of my cheek and pretend to read a few more lines of the letter. _'… for your exceptional display of talent in machina…'_

I can't accept it. What's the point? Sure, it may be the trip of a lifetime. They told me and Rikku about a week ago that they had decided they are going to Baaj Temple. Spira… if I could just get off this wasteland of an island…

But still… if I have to just get a run-of-the-mill job when I turn eighteen, would it be fair to take this and not be able to use it?

Not that I'm much in favor towards fairness with Rikku. She's never had a moment's hesitation in cheating me out of something that _should_ have been mine. Like that most likely to succeed award in fifth grade…

But that has nothing to do with it.

The point is, if it were anyone else, I would feel bad if I kept it from them. So I can't keep it from _Cid's_ girl.

"Thank you so much," I say quietly. I go through the crowd, shaking everybody's hand. They offer congratulations, and I take them with a smile and thank you. Someone produces a bottle of alcohol, which they all know that I can't take part in the celebratory drinking, but I don't mind much. Still, they pass me over a cup of something sweet and bubbly to substitute it, and I slip into small talk with them.

Most of them ask me about my accomplishments. The most generic one I tell them is the one where I figured out what that piece of junk machina did. They seem impressed enough with that. Which usually gets them on a topic of when they themselves uncovered some 'ancient' or 'very valuable' machina, and someone imperceptibly (to the speaker, at least) slips me into their conversation. I don't really mind being handled like that right about now. Every once in a while I look over the crowd and see Cid waiting patiently by my front door. I know what he's going to say. So that's when I actually start talking to everybody, hoping to avoid the confrontation for as long as I can. But, they all leave after about a half hour of conversation, and Cid stays behind. I stare at the floor as he walks over to me, bending the corners of the paper.

"So… you gonna keep it?" he asks. It's an uncomfortable question. Shouldn't I have the right to keep it if I earned it? I shrug my shoulders. The page is worn by now from me clenching it tightly while being passed from group to group in the crowd. The mechanists and businessmen didn't seem to get along, and I got caught in the middle of that. But the paper is somehow still retaining its crispness. It crackles every time I shift it between my fingers. I have an overwhelming urge to shove it in my pocket and slam the door on Cid's face. Of course, I'd come back outside and apologize afterwards.

"I would love to keep it," I say. I wonder if Rikku knows that she lost yet. I wonder if she would have cared so much if she hadn't known that I was up against her in the first place. Maybe she knew all along that I would beat her. Maybe that's all she cared about. She just wanted a challenge.

"I'm jus'… Lemme know by tomorrow. I won't tell Rikku yet." I look up at him with a pleading look. If I'm going to get anything out of giving it away, I would love for it to be that she gets put in her place as 'second best'. But Cid gets a hard look on his face. I bite the inside of my cheek and rip the edge of the paper a bit. "Now Gippal, she's still my little girl, and I ain't gonna… I can' see her that upset." I look down, shocked that I thought for even a second that Cid would let me scheme against his daughter. I smile sheepishly.

"Sorry," I mumble. Cid waves his hand in forgiveness. I retreat back into my apartment. Mom's taking a nap. I have no one to talk to. I must have sat there for about fifteen minutes, just thinking. Excavation… Machina… Rikku… Mom… _job_.

I hear a knock on the door about twenty times, and I know it's the mail. I get up and grab the mailbox key, begging for something to distract me. I pull the mail out of the small metal box and look at a postcard that came in it. It has a picture of people lined up with guns in their hands, and in the corner it says in big letters, 'Crimson Squad'.

* * *

"So, when are they announcing the excavation thing? Soon, right?" Buddy asks as we walk through the sand, skirting the walls of the tall business building of Home. Everything's quiet around this part of Home. It's nicely situated on the other side from the sand worm burrows, and only harmless little cactus are sprouting up nearby. No one plays music out the windows or stand out on the terraces or anything around these parts.

"Uh, yeah, should be any day now," I say, bending down and scooping some sand up in my hand.

"Who's it gonna be?" Buddy asks with a grin. I just smile. I then sigh. I push my nails into my palm. It has to stay a secret. It's _been_ secret for about… three hours now… I can't help it though. I've been told before that I gossip as much as a girl.

"I got it," I say quickly. I feel relief replace the anxiety in my stomach as I finally say the words I'd been holding in for a long time. Three whole hours.

"Well, I guess confidence always comes in handy," Buddy says, kicking up the sand in front of him.

"No, I mean, they came to me earlier and gave me the letter saying that _I got it_," I say. Buddy gets a wide smile.

"That's awesome!" he says, holding his fist out. I punch it with mine, then sigh heavily with a groan.

"Yeah, but… I can't keep it," I say. Another thing I've finally said out loud, which just makes the relief disappear to be replaced by… well, depression, basically.

"Why not?" Buddy asks, sounding distraught.

"Um… I don't know, I just couldn't leave my mom for that long," I say. Buddy doesn't know. No one knows except me, Cid, and mom's boss.

"Sheesh, Gip, you're such a momma's boy," Buddy says with a bit of distaste in his tone.

"I love my mom!" I say proudly. Buddy just laughs. He knows he loves his mom too. But no one gets why I always have to get home early and stuff.

"So, you're gonna give it to Rikku?" Buddy asks with his nose wrinkled. Rikku being Brother's little sister, and Brother being… sort of Buddy's best(ish?) friend, Buddy was forced to act like he hated Rikku. Even though I think he kind of has a thing for her. You know, scrawny and… short and loud… maybe that's his type?

"Guess so," I say glumly.

"Well, you still get the pride of winning," Buddy says encouragingly. Just pour salt on the wound, thanks.

"Pride that I have to keep to myself. I can't even tell her that I got it before she did. Cid basically said he'd kick my ass if I did," I say. That may be exaggerating it a bit. But probably not. I don't know what Cid's capable of. Buddy kicks the sand again.

"Well, then, there's just nothing to get out of it," Buddy says.

"Yeah… but I'm thinking of joining this… this military group," I say softly, remembering back to the postcard I got. I'd given it a quick glance over before putting it in a drawer where Mom wouldn't find it and throw it away. She's not a big fan of the military.

"Not the Crusaders again? Because you know they sent you that letter about ten times tellin' you you can't be a Crusader," Buddy says. I tried to keep people from finding out about my desperate attempts to join the Crusaders, but it had gotten around anyway, and I still feel like people give me looks that say I'm ridiculous for trying _eleven_ times to join the Crusaders.

"I know, it's not the Crusaders," I say bitterly.

"What else is there?" Buddy asks as we get to the shaded part of the building and sit down in the sand. It's true, before now, the only military that was around was the Crusaders. Not entirely fair for the Al Bhed, but hey, we _are_ the most hated people in Spira. I pick a handful of sand up and let it smoothly fall back to the rest of the earth through my fingers.

"There's this thing called the 'Crimson Squad'," I say. "It says that if you become part of it, you'll be commanding bits of the Crusaders." Buddy laughs.

"That'll be a slap in the face when the person they turned down ten times is controlling their own forces." I smile at the thought. I'm not sure how seriously the Crusaders will take a sixteen year old Al Bhed, but I guess they'll just have show respect to their commanding officer. "But wait… won't you have to leave your mom for that too?" Buddy asks. I look up at him and cringe. It's all about money. Crimson Squad will pay me. The excavation won't.

"It's complicated," I say instead. Now that I think about it, at this point, I couldn't join the Crusaders anyway. They're all volunteer forces.

"You just want to have a few battle scars to tell the girls about," Buddy says.

"Maybe that too," I say with another grin.

* * *

"There you are!" I think of what annoying pet name to give her. Sugar? Honey? Babe? I can't decide on how to best tease her this time. But I also don't want to today. I know why she was looking for me, so maybe if I stay really quiet, she'll go away… "Hell_OOOOO_?" she yells at me.

"Hey," I say, taking my straw and pushing the ice cubes in my glass of water down in the glass one by one. It's late in the afternoon, but the sun is still hot. It's _always_ hot, until about an hour after it's set.

"Guess what?" she asks. She's hopping from one foot to another. I really don't want to hear it. I don't want to know that all my hard work amounted to nothing.

I could always tell her that out of the kindness of my heart I told them to give it to the runner up, which was obviously her. She wouldn't believe me though. Then she'd go ask Cid. Not sure if he'd tell her the truth, but that would be a black mark against me for whatever job he's going to help me get. Still… I don't want to hear her gloating about it.

"What?" I ask.

"No, seriously, _guess_," she says, her toes tapping against the metal floor in excitement. She knows I must know what she's going to tell me.

"I hate guessing games," I say. She scoffs in annoyance.

"I'm going on the excavation!" she says, bouncing like a firework ready to shoot into the sky.

"Yippee," I say monotonously.

"Oh, no need to ruin the moment."

"Then why did you come to tell me?" I ask. She should have known I wouldn't be happy for her. Why should I?

"Well… because…"

"Because none of your friends care?" I ask with a smirk on my face. She puts her fists on her hips, crinkling the letter in her hand.

"_No_. I just wanted to see your face when you found out," she says. I turn towards her.

"See my face?" I ask. I just stare up at her. Words cannot describe how much I want to snatch that paper from her tiny little hands and yell at her that I held almost the exact same thing in my hands not two days ago. "Anyways, I found something else to do," I say.

"What, drop out of school?" she asks.

"Actually, yeah," I say. She giggles a bit. "I'm joining the Crimson Squad," I inform her to let her know I'm not just ditching school.

"What's that?" she asks, not really caring. She walks over to the edge of the balcony and leans her forearms against it. I stand up and lean on it next to her, my body angled to face her.

"It's like the Crusaders. Only better," I say matter-of-factly to her.

"Are they actually letting Al Bhed into this one?" she asks. Of _course_ she heard about that too.

"Mm hm," I say. "At least, there was no 'Al Bhed need not apply' footnote." She looked at me.

"Are you sure?" she asks. I shrug and nod. She turns back to the desert. "Why do you want to join the military so badly anyway?"

"So I can do something with my life," I say. It's a lie. But I'm not gonna tell _her_ the truth. I think about that night on the balcony near our apartment though for a second, and squeeze my eyes shut. I mentally shake it off.

"Yeah, but lots of people do something with their lives _here_," she answers.

"What, you're not worried about me, are you?" I ask with a grin.

"Not one bit," she says. I pull my eyebrows down in confusion. Something tells me she is. "Do you ever wonder why… you know, we're covered in machina, but Sin never comes here?" she asks.

"Because we're not near the water?" I ask.

"Why does that make a difference?" I don't say anything for a minute.

"Someone told me one time that Sin looks like a giant whale," I say. She doesn't say anything for a few seconds. Then, she starts to giggle.

"Who told you _that_?" she laughs.

"Buddy did!" I say, making it sound like I have complete faith in whatever Buddy tells me. She laughed harder.

"Why would you… _ever_… trust what _Buddy_ has to say?" she cackled. She has a… scary laugh. I've heard her giggle before, and that was kind of cute, but her real laugh is something of another kind. I hope I never make her laugh that hard again. "You know, Buddy used to be scared stiff of hovers," she says with a sort of fondness in her voice.

"I think he still is," I say. I remember once when we went out to the Oasis and he clung onto the hover bar like it was going to save him from a bomb. She giggles that tiny laugh that I'm used to, and I decide I actually like the cackle better. This laugh sounds fake compared to the laugh I just heard.

For the first time in my life, I take a good look at her. She's most definitely a tomboy if I've ever seen one. But one look and I knew what kind of girl she was. She's the kind of girl who knows she's got some things going for her. I mean, she's skinny and her hair's always clean. So now she's just wondering – why doesn't anyone else see it? Well, I see it now.

"What?" she snaps peevishly. I look out to the desert and shrug my shoulders. We're silent for a few minutes. She grips the bar on the balcony and leans back, dipping her neck back to take in the retreating sun. "Do you ever wonder… what that thing was?"

"What thing?" I ask. I know what she's talking about already, but I'm trying _not_ to think about it.

"That big machina in the sphere that Mr. Lohor had…" she whispers. I shake my head.

"Nope."

"How can you _not_ think about it?"

"Eh, I'm not worried," I answer. All you can hear for a minute is the wind blowing far beneath us. I guess it's a good thing most Al Bhed aren't scared of heights, because you can't really escape it around here. You're always high up. The sun hits the horizon, casting a new lighting over us.

"How can you not be worried?" she yelps.

"Well, whatever it is, it's probably somewhere under the sand," I say. "Any machina that big the Al Bhed's got, so why worry? Nothing's gonna happen to it."

"All right," Rikku says, easily assured. Another long, awkward silence. One of us should really just leave. Say something to annoy the other and stomp off. We shouldn't be standing here… hanging out… I finally say whatever pops into my head. It was meant to be something that would piss her off, like I planned. But instead…

"You know what I always wonder?" I ask.

"What?" she asks, leaning her forearms on the bar again and looking out at the setting sun.

"If we're in the middle of the desert… like, it's the _desert_, so, there's not a whole lot of water, right?" I say, rambling on. I follow her lead and stare out at the scenic dunes while I wait for her to answer.

"Right," she agrees absentmindedly, flicking an ant off the bar. She right away gets a pained face, and I almost laugh when I see she regrets sending the ant to its death.

"So… where does all our water come from? I mean, we can't get it all from the oasis, there's not enough there to keep this entire place running." She bites down on her bottom lip. I lean forward. "You know, don't you?" I ask. She turns her face away from me. "Tell me!" I say, a little whinier than I had meant it to sound. She looks back at me with a mischievous smile. It catches me by surprise, but I don't know why. I jolt back anyway.

"You really want to know?" she asks. I nod eagerly. This is something I've wondered about ever since I learned about evaporation in school. She leans towards me, and I lean closer in anticipation. "Well…" she starts. I'm almost jumping up and down, I'm so excited. "Can't tell!" My jaw drops.

"_What_?" I yell.

"It's a secret," she says, walking away.

"Hey, wait!" I say. I grab the top of her arm and turn her around. When I see her face, she has a look of confusion on it. I let go of her arm quickly and look at the ground, and we both shuffle around for a second and try to pretend it didn't just happen. It was just her arm, but still… it felt like something we shouldn't be doing. "You can't just leave me hanging like that," I eventually say. She puckers her lips like she's thinking about it.

"All right, all right. But only because you begged," she says. "There's these machina downstairs, right?" she says. "Well, what they do is they, um, take the water that we _use_, and put it through a filter, and then just… reuse it," she says with a shrug. I tilt my head.

"That's it?" I ask. She flaps her arms out and looks down, walking over to the edge of the balcony again.

"That's it," she says, dragging the words out. I then come to the realization.

"Wait, like… everything?"

"_Every_thing," she answers.

"Like… toilet water?" I ask.

"Uh huh. And bath water, and…" She glances over at the glass of water that I was drinking before. "Hm, I wonder where yours was before," she says, looking over her shoulder at me and smiling. I definitely see it now. Even if everybody else doesn't.

* * *

I open the door and toss the keys on the table. The flowers are back near the door. I grin. Mom.

"I'm home," I call.

"I'm in here!" she yells back. "Come here quick, Gippy, this man's doing the funniest thing!" she says in a jumpy voice. She watches home video shows practically every waking hour. I go in and sit on the couch next to her.

"Mom… I, uh, have to tell you something," I say, rubbing my hands together.

"What?" she asks excitedly. "Do you have a girlfriend?" she squeals.

"No," I answer flatly. She must stop bringing that up _sometime_.

"Oh… what is it?" she asks, shifting towards me a bit. She must see how nervous I am.

"Um… you know how I always wanted to join the Crusaders?"

"Uh huh," she answered disapprovingly.

"Well, there's this other thing… and they accept Al Bhed. So, I'm gonna go," I tell her quickly and quietly. I hear her gasp a bit, and I look up to see her staring at me with her mouth open.

"Y…You're joining the military?" she asks. I swallow and nod, seeing the hurt in her eyes.

"They'll pay me! There's… Your company…" She narrows her eyes, not sure what I'm trying to say. "Cid… told me that when I turn eighteen and I can get a job and everything, your company isn't paying you anymore. And if I get through this thing, they'll be paying me, and I can send you money," I explain.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she whispers after a long time of silence.

"I just-." She doubles over and puts her face in her hands, crying. I duck my head down and shake it. How could I have kept it from her this long? I stand up to leave her alone, but she grips my hand.

"Don't go, Gippy, please," she begs.

"Mom…" I start. I mean to say, 'I have to go'. But it doesn't come out. After all, do I really _have_ to go? I sit down on the couch again. "I have to get some kind of job. I know I can do this," I say. At least I know in the Crimson Squad I have some sort of future. I could end up shoveling sand out with my luck if I stay here.

"No, you can get a job here, where you're _safe_," she says. I shake my head.

"I've already applied, Mom," I say. She starts to cry harder. I lean closer to her. "I'm doing this to _take care of you_, Mom. There are dangerous things out there, and I just want to know that you're safe."

"I want _you_ to be safe. _Don't go_," she says, taking on an authoritative voice. I still shake my head.

"I'm going," I answer.

* * *

**So, you may have noticed that I changed my author name. Or… maybe you didn't. But before, I THOUGHT that Utsukushii na Hana meant 'Beautiful Flower'. But seeing as I can't even speak Japanese and I made that up myself, I decided to take a leaf out of a Japanese song, and changed it to Jounetsu no Hana. :D Which means 'Passion Flower'. So, there you have it! Still me, new, grammatically correct name! I hope no one gets confused!**

**By the way… REVIEW! :D Pretty please?**


	5. Chapter 5

**Another late update. xD Don't hurt me! I'm sorry!**

* * *

She stirred up her melting ice cream. Oci had forgotten hers a long time ago so that she could instead hug the blankets to her chest as some form of protection. Oci hated that Rikku always made her come over for a horror movie viewing. Rikku's usual response to Oci's whining was, "Come on, it's not like it's real or anything!"

Oci squealed as the mentally insane character broke through the door and there was a loud burst in the music. There was a knife, and blood, and shrieks. Rikku threw her head back and laughed at the gruesomeness that followed and Oci's reaction. Rikku always coped with those things by laughing. Also, she was just plain not disturbed by it. It's all so fake looking and the screams are so dramatic that sometimes, you just can't help but laugh at them. Plus, it's their fault. You don't walk _towards_ the noise, you run away screaming for help. Idiots.

"Rikku, I really do hate you," Oci said. She was near tears at this point. Oci, on the other hand, was terrified of movies like this, and the only reason she agreed was because, well, it's what best friends do. Rikku smiled as the last scary moment of the movie played.

"Someday, you'll thank me, because you know what's out there," Rikku said, patting Oci on the head. Oci just whimpered pathetically. Like any of this would actually happen in real life… "How about we watch a 'romantic comedy' next?" she asked, putting quotes around the genre of the movie. Oci didn't see. She was too busy burying her face in the covers and trying her best not to look near any doors. She just nodded in response. Rikku took the horror sphere out and replaced it with pretty much the only romantic sphere she had. Practically being raised by boys made her not the biggest fan of the movies, even if she was a hopeless romantic at heart. She snuggled back down on the couch and threw some left over popcorn from the bowl at the screen when the first pensive lines were said.

Halfway through the movie, Oci finally picked up her tiny ice cream carton and started eating the runny mess. The funny part was that she liked it better that way.

"So, guess what?" Oci asked, nudging Rikku's foot with her own. Rikku tore her eyes away from the leading man and glanced Oci's way for a moment.

"Hm?" Rikku asked, turning her eyes back to the screen.

"My best friend is the best junior mechanist in Home," Oci said, smiling at Rikku. Rikku held her spoon up in triumph. Damn right, she was the best. Even better than _Gippal_. That took his big, fat ego down a bit. And just happened to boost hers. However, her head was still fitting through doorways, and that was all that mattered.

"Guess what else?" Oci asked after Rikku had lowered her arm and continued to eat her ice cream.

"What?"

"I heard Gippal's dating someone," Oci said quietly. Rikku looked at her quickly. Oci smiled and shrugged, trying to keep it light.

"Who is it?" Rikku asked sympathetically. At least, as sympathetically as she could muster. Lately, it had been 'Gippal this…' and 'Gippal that…' and she wasn't sure if she could hear his name one more time without screaming at everyone to just talk about someone _else_ for a change.

"I don't know. Some blonde girl," Oci said. Rikku stayed silent for a second, then started to laugh.

"That narrows it down! Thanks Oci, I definitely know who to pound on now," she said. Oci giggled too.

"I don't know, it's just annoying that he's such a… _bleh_," Oci said.

"Agreed," Rikku said.

"Well, you're the first person who would burn him at the stake," Oci said with a wicked smile Rikku's way. Rikku held up her hand. She felt the need to defend her honor as once again being someone who doesn't wish death on anyone.

"Whoa, hold your chocobos there. I _much_ prefer his fate right now, where he has to suffer and watch me be insanely happy with my acceptance letter and he gets to go pretend to be a soldier," Rikku said proudly.

"What about being a soldier?" Oci asked earnestly. Rikku bit her lip. As much as Oci tried to pretend that she didn't care what he did –even though she talked about him 24/7- she was still madly in love with Gippal, no doubt about it. And she would be very concerned if he was going to march off to fight Sin, or rabid Hypello, or anything like that in the name of Spira. She might even get it in her mind that he was doing it for _her_, Oci being, well, Oci.

"Um… I heard from Reyu that Gippal applied for some new military organization," Rikku said with a shrug. It's no big deal. Not at all. Mm mm.

"One that _allows_ Al Bhed?" Oci asked, settling back down onto the couch in relief. She was assuming that he would be denied and that would be the end of it. In the end, so was Rikku. She couldn't imagine any place in Spira that would _want_ an Al Bhed. They might, you know, poison the water, or other things that them tricky Al Bhed do.

"I guess so," Rikku said.

"Well, they won't let him in," Oci said. "Gippal's not the kind of person who can be pounded into shape."

"Yeah, I bet not," Rikku answered, and fell silent.

* * *

"There you are!" she said, closing the balcony door behind her.

"Hey, lovebug," Gippal said. He was leaning his forearms against the balcony bar, the picture of relaxation. Rikku rolled her eyes.

"Shut up. I have a name," she said, walking over next to him.

"Right. Cid's girl," Gippal corrected himself. It was getting obvious now – he just did it to annoy her. The pet names, and _then_ the nickname that she couldn't shake. Rikku glowered up at him for a second, then looked down. The sandworms were frolicking through the sand together. Which is actually a very disturbing sight to see. They stared in wonder as smaller fiends ran in terror from the sandworms, who didn't really care if that smushed a fiend or not. Rikku spied an ant on the bars and let it start to crawl on her fingers.

"So, it's getting around that you're joining that Cream of the Crop thing," Rikku said, glancing up at Gippal.

"Crimson Squad," he corrected her. He probably already knew that people were talking.

"Yeah, whatever. So, you better get into it, or you'll be publicly embarrassed again. And I won't hesitate to be the first to point and laugh," Rikku added. She could just picture it. She grinned to herself.

"I know you will," Gippal said with a grin. He frowned. "I'm going to get in," he said with a nod.

"When are you leaving?" she asked, tugging at one of her small braids.

"End of the month," Gippal answered her, stretching his fingers out. Rikku found herself staring at them for a few moments. His skin was tanned under the purple gloves he wore. They cut off at the knuckle though, so if he stayed in the sun too long, he'd have a very interesting tan. They weren't great for working, unless you were working with tiny things. Rikku preferred her thick work mitt that her dad had given her. "Hello?"

"What?" Rikku asked, shaking herself out of the reverie.

"When are _you_ leaving?" he repeated. Rikku shrugged.

"About a month. Once school's on break, we leave for a while."

"You get out of school?" Gippal asked with a grin.

"Yes, I do!" Rikku said. "Whatever, you're not even finishing school. You're on an _indefinite_ break."

"I guess so," Gippal said. "It's not like I don't _want_ to go to school." There was a moment of silence. Rikku turned and rested her back on the balcony bars after setting the ant free. She looked down at the metal floor.

"What _do_ you want then?" she asked. He looked at her in surprise. She just stared back at him, waiting for his response.

"I… don't know yet," he said, as if it were a question. "I just know that whatever I'm gonna do, it's not going to be here."

"But why are you joining the military to do that?" she asked. Gippal shook his head.

"It's complicated," he answered. She pursed her lips. That sounds more like an, 'I don't want to tell you.'

"Do you think I'm dumb?" she asked.

"Um… no?" Gippal answered, unsure of where this was going.

"Well, I bet I can understand then," she said. She stared back at him. He suddenly got a weird look on his face and looked back out at the sand. There was a long pause of silence. Rikku twisted her mouth up. What could be _possibly_ going on in Gippal's life that is so hard for him to tell her? He's just a kid. He's got no concerns. Rikku should know.

"There's this… deal…" he said. Rikku leaned forward in anticipation. He suddenly straightened up. "You know what? You're just a kid," he said, walking away.

"Gippal!" Rikku said in confusion and rage for calling her a 'kid'. He slammed the balcony door behind him, and she was left there, feeling cold inside. And only two things came to her. 1: Oci would probably never speak to her again if she found out that she was… friends(?) with Gippal. 2: She needed to find out what the 'deal' was.

* * *

She first made sure no one was around, as she leaned nonchalantly against the wall near his door. Don't ask how she knew where he lived. It was a long story that involved sneaking, flirting, and then running like a tonberry was on her heels. When she was sure she was safe, she rushed to the door and started banging on it.

Sometimes, she liked to pretend she was in a mystery. She pictured them in black and white. She was in a long coat and had a pipe in her mouth. Instead of an eyepatch, Gippal just had a badly stitched up scar over his right eye. And he was old. Practically thirty. And his face was all saggy and gross. In Rikku's who-done-it fantasies, Gippal didn't age well. She became a tall girl with a beauty mark next to her eye who could wear bright red lipstick and black stilettos. Gippal always had a half burnt down cigar poking out of the corner of his mouth, and he would squint up at her, and rub his scratchy chin that perpetually had stubble on it.

"_Hey_!" She jumped out of her fantasy. "What the hell are you doing here?" Gippal whispered. She found herself smiling at him. His eyepatch was back. And he was still sixteen. And sexy. She frowned at the most recent thought. Gippal narrowed his eyes at her in confusion from the emotions playing on her face. She looked down at herself. She was wearing her standard orange shirt and green shorts. She had no pipe, and no lipstick.

"Um…" she stalled. She lifted her hand up under the pretense that she was brushing her hair out of her face. She traced her skin briefly. No beauty mark. "I was… just…" She looked around the hallway.

"Rikku, you need to go," Gippal said urgently.

"Why?" she asked accusingly. "You hiding an _illegal_ substance in there?" she asked.

"No. I just need you to leave," he said. _Begged_. No matter how badly he needed her to leave, she couldn't now.

"What is it?" she asked. She was trying to see over his shoulder. He pressed his lips together and closed the door so that it clamped him against the doorframe.

"Nothing," he said firmly.

"You know I have to find out what it is, now," Rikku said, crossing her arms.

"Who is it, Gippy?" someone called from in the house. Gippal suddenly looked distressed, biting down on his bottom lip.

"Oooh, I get it now!" Rikku said.

"What?" Gippal asked.

"You don't want me to meet your momma, do you, Gippy? You're afraid she'll embarrass you!" she said. Gippal went blank. Rikku had the sickening feeling in her stomach that she got whenever she realized she had said the wrong thing. The absolute worst thing she could have possibly said. "I'm sorry," she said immediately.

"It's okay… I won't be embarrassed," he said. He turned his neck so that he could look back into his house. "It's Rikku, Mom," he called.

"Cid's daughter? Well, let her in!" Rikku smiled cheekily at Gippal. He sagged against the doorframe and smirked back at her, looking up at her through his eyelashes. It made her shiver a bit, but she marched through confidently when he lazily pushed the door open as wide as it goes.

"You asked for it," he whispered into her ear as she walked by. She slowed her steps and looked into his light green eye. What does he mean by that? Suddenly, everything about Gippal was becoming mysterious. But her stomach was churning, like she didn't really want to know what it was. He held her gaze for a few seconds, then looked away quickly and closed the door. Rikku was still frozen in place, afraid of what she would possibly find. Gippal walked past her, sliding his fingers across her forearm to beckon her forward. Rikku went into the room that looked just like her sphere room. Gippal's mom was sitting on the couch in her white pajamas. She looked at Rikku and got a bright smile. Her face was sunken, and her hair was a light, almost white, blonde. Rikku felt puzzled. She didn't see anything out of the ordinary here.

"Rikku, it's so nice to see you again! I haven't seen you since you were still toddling around," she said, looking fondly at Rikku. "Well… you're all grown up now!" Rikku smiled shyly. Gippal suddenly walked away into the kitchen. Rikku glanced after him, then turned to Nazu.

"How have you been lately?" she asked.

"Oh, well, I've had better times, but because I've got Gippy around, it's okay!" she said. Rikku grinned politely. She was still trying to piece it together in her head. _What's wrong_? She had her lips plastered in a smile, but then she started thinking. Gippal's mom hadn't stood up yet. Usually when old…_er_ people meet their kids' friends, they stand up, just because they think it's polite. At least, that's what happened to her if she ever met a friend's parent. And Gippal's mom seemed like a firm believer in manners. "I heard you're going on the excavation! Congratulations!"

"Yes, well, Gippal didn't say as much," Rikku said, loudly enough for Gippal to hear. He just made a gruff sound from the kitchen, and she smiled widely for a second.

"Oh…" Nazu waved a hand in the air. "That's just how he is," she said. Rikku smiled and nodded. "Are you staying for dinner?" she asked excitedly. Rikku laughed inside. It was coming back to her now that Nazu had always gotten excited about small things. Like going outside to blow bubbles, and things like that. She even remembered her grabbing her by the hand and running with her out onto the balcony to do exactly that. Gippal had always stayed back. They both tried to repress the memories of their childhood playdates arranged against their wills.

"Um…" Rikku glanced back at the kitchen. Gippal was leaning around the corner, listening to the conversation. He shrugged when she caught his eye. "Sure!" Rikku said to Nazu.

She sat in the sphere room, chatting with Gippal's mom for awhile, when there was a bang from the kitchen. They both looked towards it as silence followed.

"Maybe Gippy needs help…" Nazu said. Neither of them moved for a few seconds.

"Oh, I'll go," Rikku said, jumping up from the couch. She went into the kitchen and was surprised to see Gippal cutting up a carrot.

"What?" he asked, glancing up at her for a second.

"Your mom just thought you needed some help," she said quietly.

"Oh… kay…" Gippal glanced around the kitchen.

"So… what should I do, boss?" she asked.

"That's what I'm trying to decide," he said. "What can you do that you won't completely screw up…?"

"Hey!" He just smiled and started to point to something, then brought his hand back to his side.

"Nope… Cid would kill me." Rikku rolled her eyes. People seemed to think that Cid was a lot less lazy than he really was. She had never seen him get all up in arms about a boy who liked her or anything, which just goes to show that nothing could or would faze him. She could walk out wearing nothing but a bikini and half a foot of fabric around her hips and he might not say anything. "Why don't you… tell me when that pot of water is boiling?" Gippal asked, smiling at her. She ducked her head down until her chin was nearly touching her chest. She crossed her arms and cocked her hip.

"You've _got_ to be kidding," she said. Gippal shrugged with a smile.

"I don't know what you can do that I can't imagine you cutting, burning, or humiliating yourself," Gippal answered.

"Meanie," she answered.

"Yeah, yeah," Gippal said, turning back to his carrot.

"So… I don't get it," Rikku said from the pot of not even warm water.

"What?"

"I don't see anything wrong here," she said. Gippal stopped chopping.

"Really?" he asked.

"Nope. So what is it? Tell me, I can't guess!" she said. Gippal shook his head at her.

"Wow. I didn't realize I'd be lucky enough that you're lacking a few lightbulbs," Gippal said, turning back to his chopping board. He had an onion on it now. Rikku sneered at him.

"Why are you so mean to everyone?" she asked.

"I'm not mean to everyone. Just you. You just get it in your head that I _must_ be mean to everyone," Gippal said, turning away from the chopping board, completely forgetting it now.

"You're mean to Oci," she said.

"Are you _still_ mad about that?" he asked in exasperation. "C'mon Cid's girl, it's been a week. Oci's forgotten about it. I've forgotten about it. Pretty much _everyone_ has."

"Oci _hasn't_ forgotten about it," Rikku said. "I should know, she only mentions you every other sentence." She glanced at the pot of water. It was still nowhere near boiling. "I heard you're dating someone else already." Gippal pulled his eyebrows down.

"Really? Who?"

"So it's not true?"

"Why would you care?" Gippal asked with a smirk.

"I _don't_! Tell me _anyway_!" Rikku snapped. Gippal laughed.

"I actually heard _you_ were dating someone," Gippal said.

"Who would _I_ date?" Rikku asked, completely falling for the subject change.

"I 'unno," Gippal answered, shrugging. "Who do you talk to?"

"Um… Reyu?" Gippal didn't seem convinced by the idea of her dating _Reyu_.

"Anyone else…?" Rikku slowly shook her head.

"Nooo…" She looked up at him. He was lightly patting the tips of his hair. "How long does it take you to make it stick up like that?"

"Not very long," he said absentmindedly. He suddenly looked at the floor with a sad look on his face. "Is Oci really upset?" Rikku caught her bottom lip in her teeth.

"She'll get over it," she assured him. He glanced to the corner of the kitchen.

"I should still talk to her," he said. Rikku smiled a bit.

"She's going to do everything she can to get you back, y'know," she said. Gippal laughed a bit.

"Well, who can resist _me_?" Gippal asked, running his fingers across his chin with a smug grin. Rikku raised her hand up.

"I can!" she said in a sing-song voice. Gippal's eyes got dark, and Rikku curled her fingers in with nervousness. He came towards her slowly.

"Really?" he asked. She felt her pulse quicken. Oh, no. She hadn't wanted _this_. What should she do? Say she has bad breath? A cold sore? She ran her tongue over her lips and felt her eyes focusing on his mouth that was coming closer to her. He leaned his hand on the counter next to her hip. "Water's boiling, by the way," he said.

"What?" She looked down. Sure enough, the bubbles were coming up in the water quickly. "What the-?"

"You're not very good at the job I gave you, Cid's girl," he said, dropping some rice into the water.

"I _just_ looked at it, it didn't even have the tiny little bubbles hanging at the bottom!" Rikku yelped, staring at the water so he wouldn't see her flushed face.

"Better luck next time," he said. She wasn't sure what he meant by that exactly, but she scurried out of the kitchen, mumbling to Nazu that he didn't need any help.

* * *

"Okay, all ready!" Gippal said. Rikku jumped up from her spot on the couch and hurried over to the table just as Gippal set another seat at the table across from him. He held his arm out to the seat theatrically and put his hands on the back of it. Rikku grinned and looked down at the floor, then stepped slowly in front of the chair. Gippal pushed it in for her as she sat down, then went over towards his mom, who was still seated on the couch. Rikku felt her blush coming and forced it away. This was ridiculous. This was the lighting. This was being a teenager who hadn't talked to a boy who wasn't her brother in a very long time. This was not anything remotely… like…

She glanced over at the pair. Gippal's mom put her arm around his neck, and he lifted her carefully from the couch. Rikku got a good look at her. She was thin. And not even thin like she had always been. She was just plain frail. There was nothing left on her. Her legs looked like they couldn't hold her up.

And then.

She realized it.

What Gippal had been trying to keep her from finding out. She gasped as he placed his mom into her chair and smiled at her then sat down in his own chair. He looked up at Rikku and saw her gaping mouth, and everyone at the table knew what had just happened. Nazu reached out for Rikku, but stopped her hand. Rikku wished she could close her mouth and stop staring like a bomb had just gone off, but she didn't understand. How could he have not told… anyone? His mom was trying to think of something to say.

"Oh… Rikku…" She looked over at Gippal, who was biting his nail as he stared at the plain white plate in front of him. "Did you- not tell her?" she asked. Gippal shrugged, his palms facing up.

"It didn't come up, no," he said.

"You shouldn't have surprised her like this-."

"I didn't _ask_ her to _come_," he said, staring up at Rikku accusingly. She remembered back to what he had said to her earlier. _You asked for it_, she repeated to herself. She shut her mouth and realized what it would have been like for her. How awful it would have made her feel if someone had found out what happened to her own mom and stared with their mouth hanging open like they were catching flies. It's not like she was buddy-buddy with Gippal. But she liked him enough to spare his feelings.

"Well… we're still happy to have you! I'm sorry you didn't know, I would have told you!" Nazu said. Rikku smiled and shook her head.

"I'm sorry I reacted that way, it was… rude…" Rikku said. She poked at the chicken breast on her plate. The one Gippal had made. Because his mom couldn't get to the kitchen. "Um, I have to go… wash my hands… I was working with machina today, and they're all… bleh." Rikku jumped up from her seat and hurried to the bathroom. She had no trouble finding it, because Gippal's house was designed _exactly_ like hers. The door open at the end of the hallway was obviously his room, from how messy it was. It was even the same place her room was. She washed her hands like she said she was going to, but leaned against the sink and sighed, closing her eyes.

How had he stayed so quiet this whole time? When her mom had died, she couldn't get through a day without crying for the longest time. Of course, his mom wasn't dead. But still. After his dad had died, which most people knew about since it happened awhile ago, he probably was feeling much worse about his mom.

She felt a tug on her ponytail suddenly, and she looked in the mirror to see Gippal standing behind her, his fingers touching the ends of her hair. He was staring at her hair, and he had a stone set look on his face.

"I should've told you when you got here. I just didn't-." Rikku turned and wrapped her arms tightly around his waist. He looked at the reflection of them in the mirror for a few seconds, unsure of what was happening. She nudged her feet forward so that she could be closer to him.

"When Mom died… all I needed was someone to hug me," Rikku said with her voice tight with tears as she thought of the time after her mom had died. She hadn't thought of it in a long time. Gippal's hand settled on the back of her head, his other arm going around her shoulders. "Everyone thought I wanted to talk, or get my mind off of it. I didn't want to talk about her, but I didn't want to stop thinking about it like it hadn't happened. I just… wanted to be held and have someone tell me it would be okay eventually." She turned her face up to him and smiled a bit. "And it _is_ better now."

She didn't like the look on his face. He was just staring flatly at her. But she felt his hand smoothing the back of her head, and she felt her heart pound, and she just couldn't believe she was still hugging him. Pops telling her to stay away from him echoed in her mind. He reached his hand around and wiped the small tear that had slipped from the corner of her eye away and smiled a small smile at her, something sort of grateful. She couldn't describe her feelings. She must have been staring at him with the most incredulous look. This was the most contact they'd had with each other… _ever_. He seemed to realize it too, because he took his hand away from her cheek quickly, but not so quickly that it jarred her out of her current state of mind. He reached back again and tugged the end of her ponytail gently and then let her go. She laughed nervously and wiped away a stray tear from the other eye, then shook off the intense mood. "I should tell everyone at school that you wear a plaid ruffle-y apron," she said. Gippal laughed quietly.

"I'll tell everyone that you can't even tell when water's boiling," he said, his smile lingering on his face. Rikku giggled.

"I don't think that will hit as hard as the apron," she snickered.

* * *

She said goodbye to Gippal's mom and promised to come visit before she left for the excavation. Gippal opened the door and stepped outside with her, making sure the door wasn't locked before closing it. Almost nobody was out in the hallway. They both nervously looked around.

"You know, I'm sort of… glad you came… I guess," Gippal said. Rikku tilted her head to the side and smiled.

"Me too… I guess," she said softly. Gippal was studying the floor as if there was something written in another language there. She bit down on her bottom lip and waited for him to say something else.

Silence.

She waited.

She started counting to ten.

Very slowly.

If she got to ten, she was going to leave.

"You're the only person who knows about this really except Cid-."

"_Pops_ knows?" Gippal just nodded, almost ignoring her interruption.

"Can you just… _not_ tell anyone?" he asked. "Not even Oci?" Rikku twisted up her mouth. Not because she wanted to tell someone. But because he even _thought_ she would. Sometimes, it bothered her that he thought so little of her. Even though it was a double standard, because she thought even less of him. "I promise, I'm going to talk to Oci, just… _please_." There was an odd level or trust in his eyes, like if she said she would, he would believe her. Maybe because that's all he could do but trust her.

"I'm not going to tell anyone," Rikku assured him. Gippal smiled at her and looked away again. They stood there for a few seconds in silence, Rikku fighting for something to say. "Things are… _different_ now… right?" she asked. He shoved his hands into his pockets.

"What do you mean?"

"With us. I don't hate you anymore…" she said softly, her cheeks burning at the idea that she was even bringing this up. "Do you… still hate me?" Gippal laughed shortly, even though it was only just a quick exhale through his nose.

"No, I don't hate you anymore," he said.

"So we're friends?" Rikku asked, smiling up at him. He smiled back at her, slowly nodding.

"Yeah, we are." They both laughed at the idea of it. "Weird, huh?"

"Really weird. I'm just going to go home, before I say anything to make this _more_ awkward."

"Sounds like a plan," Gippal said with a laugh. Rikku turned on her heel and waved, still looking at him over her shoulder.

"Bye," she said softly, turning and trying her best not to look back at him.

* * *

"Where have you been, Rik?" Cid demanded. Rikku put her fists on her hips. Honestly. Brother's allowed to come home at two o'clock in the morning, but she gets home a tad past eight, and Cid's got his gun and pitchfork in hand. Brother doesn't even do anything while he's out. He doesn't have _friends_.

"I was at Gippal's house," she said. Cid narrowed his eyes. They had a short stare down. Cid obviously didn't believe her.

"What were you _really_ doin'?" he asked finally. Rikku rolled her eyes.

"Blowing your hover up, burying some bodies, y'know," she said with a shrug, going to a bowl on the counter and taking a fruit out of it. Not that it usually had fruit in it. It usually had the mail and the remote to the sphere in it.

"Rikku-," Cid started in that warning voice. Despite her tendency towards rebelling against Pops, she knew better than to mess with him when he used that voice.

"I just went to Gippal's to eat dinner with him and his mom!" she said. "What's the deal, Pops?"

"You- his _mom_?"

"Yes, I know about his mom," Rikku stated coolly. If Pops could know about it, then so could she.

"Rikku, I don' know if you know the gravity of the situation you're in, but this is _personal_ stuff. Don' go blabberin' to your friends about-."

"Why does _every_one seem to think that I can't keep my mouth shut? I'm perfectly capable of it!"

"I'm jus' sayin'!"

"Goodnight." Rikku stormed off to her room and set her hand over her heart when she was alone in the darkness. It was thudding in her chest. The way Gippal acted around his mom… it was almost sweet. She wasn't sure if she wanted him to be like that all the time, but he had a protective air around him. Something she always had wanted from her own brother. It occurred to her that maybe Gippal could be that brother she had never had. Or… experienced.

She smiled a bit and twirled her ponytail around her finger while she made her way to her bed. After all, who wouldn't want a protective older brother? Just one to lay down the law to any suitors. She knew Brother wasn't going to do any such thing. And neither was Pops. All she wanted was to be treated like a girl who couldn't take care of herself for a few short minutes. She slammed her face down into her pillow.

Then she remembered the way he had held her earlier. Maybe it wasn't as tight as a boy would hold a girl or anything like that, but her head comes right up to his chest. She could hear his heart, and it was pounding as feverishly as hers had. There was something charged in the moment, even while they were still clinging onto their general rule of dislike for each other. It had given her a weird feeling in the pit of her stomach, something that tickled her insides and made her want to shake her whole body out, or stand as still as possible so she wouldn't disturb it.

She sighed and rubbed her face in her pillow.

Brother?

Crush.

Mm…?

Crush?

No, maybe brother.

She groaned and squeezed the edges of her pillow.


	6. Chapter 6

**I know I talk about sandworms a lot. I know that…**

**P.S. Anyone wanna beta…?**

* * *

I shut the door with the smile still on my face. Rikku's turning out to be not half bad. Once you get to know her, she can actually hold an all right conversation.

"So…?" Mom says.

"What?" I ask, locking the door for the night. I pace over to the kitchen table and lean against it for a second.

"Did you say goodbye properly?" she asked in a high voice, waggling her eyebrows. I thought about it for a second, then shrugged. I'm having a hard time deciding what 'properly' might be in Mom's books. How did Dad used to say goodnight to her?

"Uh, I guess so," I say. Mom gave me a hard look. I feel like she's in her own loop and I'm in mine. And our loops are very far away from each other. I give her a confused look, tilting my head.

"All right, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to tell me," she said in an aloof way, putting her hands on the back of her head and leaning back on the couch.

"Tell you _what_?" I ask, coming towards the couch a bit more.

"Oh, Gippy, you know what I'm talking about!" she says impatiently. I cross my arms and look at the floor.

"Well, I didn't shake her hand or anything…"

"Gippy!"

"_What_?"

"Did you kiss her goodnight or not?" She finally came out with it. My face becomes completely red between the time she says 'kiss' and 'goodnight'. I can't even remind myself that I'm not supposed to blush at things like that. But when it's coming from my _mom…_

"No! _Mom_! It's not like that!" I say loudly, probably loud enough so the people next door can hear.

"What's it like then? I assumed, since she came over for dinner-."

"I _didn't ask her to come_!" I yelp, enunciating my words so I get the point across. Sheesh… Mom's really got her hopes up for me. I don't see the point in starting any kind of relationship, since I'm leaving soon anyway. And I wouldn't see the point in starting a relationship with _Rikku_ even if I _wasn't_ leaving. Rikku's just… Rikku. Nobody would get it. _I_ wouldn't even get it. Rikku's kind of like… that cute kid that I used to babysit across the hall. You know, they're funny, but… she's such a kid sometimes. Anyway, what kind of mom _wants_ her kid dating? I've done enough dating in the past couple of months to curb the need while I'm away.

"Well, you were _awfully_ nice to her," Mom says, batting her eyes. She's one of those people who, once she gets an idea in her head, she doesn't let go of it. _Ever_.

"Would you like me to be rude to our guests?" I ask, sitting on the couch with her.

"_Our_ guests? Hm," she says. I roll my eyes with a small smile.

* * *

"Hey," I say. She turns and drops the piece of metal she's holding.

"Ouch!" she yelps as it lands on her foot. I laugh a bit.

"Need some help?" This is weird. I've never seen Oci tinker with machina _before_. She nods a little and I pick up the piece of metal and hold it sturdily to the machina. She puts her mask down and flicks the torch on, welding the metal together. She flips the mask back, but I shake my head.

"Not enough," I say.

"What? But the book says-."

"_I'm_ telling you – you need to go over it one more time," I say with a smile. She tucks her hair behind her ear and pulls the mask down again, going across the seams again. Usually it's hot to see a girl working with machina. But Oci makes it seem… forced. Like she's _trying_ to look hot while working on the machina. I pull my hands away and the plate holds.

"Phew!" she says, taking the mask off completely. She looks at me with her smile and looks away. I wait to start talking until she's put the torch down. You never know how a crazy ex is going to react to some things… Not that she's proven to be a crazy ex, but… most of my exes end up crazy.

"Um, listen, Oci?" She turns to me with wide eyes. Girls have a sort of radar for this thing. Or a super power. They can hear it in your voice when you're about to apologize. When you're going to say something they don't want to hear, they have a separate radar for that, and when _that_ red light goes off, they start interrupting you until you forget what you were going to say in the first place. Anyway… "I just wanted to say… sorry, for the way I handled things." She stares expectantly at me, and I realize I'm supposed to keep going. Thing is, it took me about a half hour to figure out how to word _that_ one, so, I'm a little stuck now. "If I hurt you, I didn't mean to. Unless you're, well, _not_ hurt, then… um…"

"I forgive you," she says simply. I glance up at her.

"Really?" I ask. Wow, that was easier than I thought it was going to be…

"Sure," she says, shrugging her shoulders. She goes over to the work bench. "So, when are you _not_ busy? I'm free on Friday. We can go to that junk yard that Riks likes, and pick through what's there. Doesn't that sound fun?" Sounds like a _lot_ of fun. With someone other than Oci.

"Oh, um, well-."

"You know why I started to learn about machina?" she asks. See? It's that damn radar. They just _know_. I sigh, my shoulders slumping. She doesn't seem so noticed kicking her feet back and forth so they make a scraping sound on the concrete floor every time they hit it.

"Why?" I say. Dating boring but hot girls gets you a new technique – you learn how to sound absolutely enthralled with what they're saying.

"Because you and Riks both _love_ it, so I'm thinking, there must be _something_ good about it, so I thought I'd try it out," she says, putting her hands on her hips and looking at the machina. "Truth is, it's just downright confusing."

"Well, I guess it does require a bit of talent," I say. She gives me a look.

"Are you saying I'm not talented?" she asks, sauntering over to me. Oh, shit…

"Oh, you're… very talented," I answer slowly. I'm not dumb. I know what she's getting at. But still… I think about it for a second when she puts her hand on my shoulder, but when she clamps down on it in a death grip, I clear my throat and turn towards the machina. "S-so, whatcha got here?" I ask.

"Mm, nothing special. It's supposed to shine gil," she says.

"'Supposed to'," I quote. She giggles.

"Yeah, but, like I said, I'm not doing too well with machina yet," she says.

"I could help you out," I say, glancing over at her. "It would probably be a good idea to keep working with machina until I leave. Don't want to forget everything," I say.

"So, we'd be helping each other," she says, running her hand from my elbow down to my hand. I can't remember if she's _always_ been this forward, or if it's a new development.

Even after my careful resolve to not let things get out of hand, when she leans in to kiss me, I let her. Hey, what can I say? Oci's hot, and she wants me. Where's the harm in that? She's sliding her tongue smoothly over my bottom lip when the door screeches open on rusty hinges.

Lucky for us, Oci's always been good at leaping away from someone to a completely different part of the room when someone disturbs a make out session. Don't ask me how I know that. Because if you don't know how I know that by now, then…

"Spira, Oci, when you said you had a 'small list of things', I didn't expect it to be _twenty_," Cid's girl says as she struggles into the room a bit, kicking the door closed behind her. While Oci is busy fussing over her machina, I'm still leaning against the table, not as graceful at recovery as Oci. My eye is wide when Cid's girl looks at me with a mildly surprised look. She seemed mostly still peeved that she's carrying so much. "Oh. Hi, Gippal."

"Be nice," I hear Oci grumble to Rikku. Rikku dumps a pile of food on the table and looks at Oci. They're both silent, but Oci widens and narrows her eyes, every once in awhile twitching her mouth or tilting her head in a different direction. I'm not _positive_, but I think they're having one of those chick conversations.

"Anyway, I was just leaving," I say, propelling myself from the side of the table I was leaning against towards the door.

"No, stay! You promised you'd help me!" Oci says. I stop dead in my tracks. I don't _remember_ promising that. Because I never did. But I guess when you tell a girl in a totally noncommittal way that you'll do something, they take it as a you'll _do_ something. I sigh and turn back, leaning against the table again. Cid's girl comes right up next to me while Oci's tinkering with something with her back turned towards us.

"Did you apologize to her?" she whispers in a barely audible voice, her lips hardly moving.

"Uh… yeah?" I whisper back, rubbing the back of my neck.

"I see it went well," she replies.

"What do you mean?" I ask quickly. Or maybe I said it slowly. At any rate, it definitely _wasn't_ nonchalant.

"Well, she's-." Her eyes widen, then narrow, then widen again. I swallow, and her eyes dart to my throat as it contracts from the movement. "You _didn't_."

"_She_ kissed _me_!"

"Oci doesn't move very quickly! You could've dodged her!" Rikku hissed.

"What if she was holding the torch up to my face and gave me a life or death choice? Hm?" I ask.

"Please, burning your face is not life or death." I raise an eyebrow at her. She sighs. "Only you would think so," she adds.

"Mm hm," I reply with a smug grin.

"You can't _do this to her_!"

"Hey, guys, what're you talking about?" Oci chirps. Rikku spins, and I look up. Oci is staring at us with a smile plastered on her face that's not as friendly as she's trying to make it seem. Rikku takes a step back, but bumps right into me. She jumps forward again at the contact. I wrinkle my nose. After a few days of being away from each other, it feels like we're back to square one. Uncomfortable, unsure. A friendship like me and Rikku's is something that we would have to work at every day, or it just goes up in smoke. Like a glass of water you leave out in the sun. It's how I know that when we get back, things might be completely different. Again. We'll have nothing to say to each other.

"Piranhas," Rikku says quickly. I narrow my eyes but nod slowly in agreement. What in _Spira_ is…

"What's a piranha?" Oci asks, not entirely convinced. Silence.

"It's a type of… tree," I say. Rikku turns slowly to look at me. I pull my eyebrows down and jerk my chin down in a nod. Rikku looks like she's vibrating, but really is just shaking her head with eyes wide as dish plates.

"That's an interesting name for a tree," Oci says in a tight voice. All this work, and she doesn't even believe us. She's a harsh critic.

"Well, it _lives in the water_," Rikku says pointedly, staring into my eye. I tilt my head. "_It's_ a type of tree that _a fish_ might like to eat." Oh. It's a fish. I grin and nod, brushing my finger against the side of my nose. Rikku rolls her eyes.

"That's… cool," Oci says, thrown by Cid's girls' sporadic enunciations.

"Very cool," I agree.

"Super… cool…" Rikku says, leaning her elbows against the table and looking at me with such an undeniable twinkle in her eye that I look away like someone had just punched my cheek. "So, how about them Psyches?"

"Don't even get me _started_," I say angrily.

"I know, right? They can't even hold onto the ball long enough to get it _remotely_ near the _right_ goal!" Cid's girl says.

"At least our goalie's good, right?"

"Yeah, but if no one _else_ is doing anything, then what's the point in having a great goalie? He can't go out and do everything himself!"

"If only we could clone him up, and just get rid of the rest of them," I say.

"_Exactly_," Cid's girl says with a giggle. "I mean, Jauho hasn't had a good play all season. At least every one of them have scored _some_ kind of goal, but no, not him!" she says. I'm about to answer when Oci says in a quiet voice,

"I don't really follow blitzball. What are the rules?" Cid's girl and I fall silent, both trying to decide whether Oci's question was rhetorical or not. I know Cid's girl is going to get hell from her later from being able to talk to me about the Psyches _and_ piranhas in the span of five minutes.

* * *

"You know… I don't really picture you as a military guy, Gip," Nesarru says, pointing at me. We're all just hanging out in the usual spot, finally realizing that I'm leaving in a week. Once everyone realized it, they invited me to go places more than usual. _A lot_ more than usual. And I kind of know why.

It may sound dumb, but somehow, I just know I'm going to die out there. I'm just some teenage kid in the military, full of Spirans. Who probably hate me. Who probably will beat me to a pulp every day just for breathing in their air. And other people are thinking that too. Like Nesarru. Who is saying that I don't look like a military guy to get me to stay. Although he wouldn't say it to my face, he's worried about me. Like my mom.

Sure, we all know that Al Bhed have survived out in the rest of the world before. But now that we have Home and everything, and they _can't_ find it and keep an eye on us, the Spirans are pissed off and are either shunning or harassing any Al Bhed seen crossing the street.

My palms start to sweat, and I take my gloves off to get some air. I decided that I wasn't going to think about it, really, because once I do, I start to get scared. And it's not cool to be scared. I have to act aloof. Keep up my reputation right until the very end. That way, they'll look back on me and say, "That Gippal, he was so cool. He's lucky he died young." Yeah…

* * *

"You have everything packed?" Mom asks me.

"Mom, I'm not leaving for about ten days," I answer her.

"I just want you to be ready," she says with a shrug. She's been frowning a lot since I told her, and I know it's my fault, but… what can I say? 'Sorry Mom, I'll stay home tonight'?

Maybe I'm being selfish going.

I haven't done a whole lot of soul searching lately, so what if I'm just doing this to get away from everyone else? After all, Mom really needs me. And if it's not absolutely necessary, I should really stay.

And then, Rikku brings up a very good point.

"So, how are you getting to the mainland?" she asks. I blink a few times, unsure of what she means.

"Uh… what?" I ask incredulously. We're on our balcony again. At least, that's what I'm calling it. Because we both agreed that no one else comes to the balcony with a view of the sandworms.

"Well, we are on an _island_-."

"I _know_ that," I snap.

"Sor_ry_… Mister Cranky," Rikku sniffs. Truth is I'm only upset because I hadn't even _thought_ about that, and it would've _sucked_ if I had gotten to the day I was supposed to leave and I realized that I had no way off this damn island. "Anyway… how are you leaving?"

"A… boat?" I suggest.

"Do we even _have_ a boat?"

"We have one…"

"Well, that one's for the excavation. You can't take _my_ boat," Rikku says, sounding a lot like a kid protecting their toy hover.

"Come on, it's not going to take me a _month_ to get to Luca," I counter.

"Yes, but it _may_ take a month to get the ship _back_. _No!_" We're not really considering the fact that we have no say in where the ship goes, but I guess we're having fun fighting over it anyway.

"Oh yeah?" I ask.

"Yeah!" Her height doesn't stand up to mine as I square my shoulders back. "Gippal… be gentle…" I lock my arm around her neck, causing her to bend over and start flailing around. "Let me go! Ah!"

"Let me take your boat!" I say. I've got her in the headlock of death. Oh yeah, there no way she's getting out of _this_ one.

"Get real! Make your own canoe, there's only one of you!" She puts her hands on my arm and tries to wriggle her head out.

"I can't paddle _all the way to Luca_," I say, deciding to go for a stroll around the balcony. Cid's girl stumbles after me, scrabbling her nails on my (sleeved) arm in an attempt to get free.

"Hence why I'm not allowing you to take my boat, because you'll take _forever_," she says. I make my other hand into a fist, then give her the noogie of her life. She squeals and kicks me in the ankle. I yelp in a very undignified manner and let her go, and she jumps onto my back. I lurch back a bit and the wrap my arms around her legs to keep her from tumbling over the edge of the balcony. She seems unconcerned with how close she was to death just then. "That wasn't very nice. It's just a _boat_," she says. I don't answer, still wandering around the fairly small balcony. I feel her skin brush against the back of my neck, but I'm not sure which part of her. I quickly unloop my arms from her legs, and she slides down until she's just clenching my shoulders. She lets go and saunters over to the bars. "Are you mad at me for getting to go on the excavation?" she asks me.

"That? No." I'm only lying a little bit. I've spent a few nights convincing myself that it's going to be dull and awful and wet. It's worked pretty well. I've lured myself into a state of mind that Rikku's _not_ going to have the time of her life, just like _I'm_ not going to have the time of my life. We'll be equally miserable and equally happy to see each other when we get back. Because I've also told myself not to get my hopes up that they'll actually let me _into_ the Crimson Squad, if they even let me go for the probation testing.

"Good. I wouldn't want you to be mad at me," she says.

"Good, because I'm not," I say. Wow. That was eloquent. I'm getting myself way too wired up lately.

"Good…"

* * *

"Remember, _don't_ swat at a pyrefly if you see one," Mom says to me in one of her hourly trivia facts. "You always swat at them, they're not _bugs_."

"I know, Mom. But hopefully there won't _be _any pyreflies, because it probably means that there are dead people around if there are pyreflies." Oo. That was the wrong thing to say. Mom covers her eyes with the palms of her hands. I'm guessing she just imagined me dead and is trying to erase the picture. Or, she could be thinking of something completely different… I'm pretty sure it's me dying though.

"You remember what Dad used to call me?" she asks suddenly. I grin. How could I forget? Somehow, it was one of those characteristics. Because no one else called their wife that. "He used to call me 'pyrefly'. He said because they were beautiful, like me." She giggles when she says it, covering her mouth. Even now, it gets easier and easier to talk about Dad every day. It's been well over ten years, but it seems like we're still getting over it. Maybe because we haven't redecorated since it happened. It's like sometimes I can still see him sitting on the couch next to Mom, or sitting at the kitchen table eating a bowl of cereal before work, because he _was_ in that exact place once. Maybe if we'd just moved things a foot or so out of place, he wouldn't have seemed to cling to the place so long.

"I love you, Pyrefly," is what he'd say when he kissed my mom's forehead before going to work. He'd rub my head and say, "Be a good boy, Gip!" and then leave. Mom's smile has become hollow, like she's reliving it too. I stare at her, trying to think of anything I could say.

"You're father never gave me any other nicknames," Mom says. I twist my mouth up and look around. This house has been too empty lately. We need… a dog or something.

* * *

"I don't need armor."

"What do you _mean_, you 'don't need armor?" Rikku asks, imitating my voice. But she sways her hips while she says it and it looks ridiculous. I would never do that. I shrug my shoulders.

"What's the point in it?" I ask.

"What does armor do, Gippal?" Rikku asks in a voice that says she's trying to imitate a second grade teacher.

"Protect you," I drawl like a second grader to humor her.

"Good!" She pats me on the head and leans her forearms against the bars. "You're gonna need it where you're going." She sighs heavily. "Have you ever wondered what would happen if you threw a grenade into a sandworm's mouth?" she asks suddenly. I feel the corner of my mouth twitch up into a mischievous smirk.

"No."

* * *

"Just a bit closer," I say. She's giggling quietly behind me. The sandworm is either staring us down or asleep. It's kind of hard to find their eyes. If they even have them. I rip the pin out of the grenade and toss it into the sandworm's gaping mouth. Cid's girl squeals her delight and jumps up and down. I put my hand on her shoulder to calm her down, although I'm smiling at her enthusiasm. The sandworm stirs, proving that it was, in fact, asleep. It takes in its surroundings for a moment, sleepily. I'm just waiting for that grenade to go off. We decided a delayed grenade would be best, in case we didn't get it into the mouth the first time, we would have time to get away before it exploded. Suddenly, the sandworm jolts about a foot off the ground, no mean feat considering its size. A plume of smoke comes from its mouth, but that's about it.

"Awww," Rikku says behind me, chuckling a bit at the height the sandworm bounced.

"Well, that was anticlimactic," I say disappointedly. Then, the sandworm roars in its new pissed off state. Rikku screams, but of course, it's more of an 'Oh no! –giggle- We're going to be eaten by a sandworm! –snicker snicker- RUN!- instead of my scream, which is more of just a…

"RUUUUUUUUN!" She took the words right out of my mouth. She grabs my hand, and I realize that I had been frozen in place. "Come _on_, Gippal!" she says, laughter still ringing in her voice. We both turn and run as the sandworm starts to charge. How did I let myself get into this? Sand is hard to run in. Not hard for a _sandworm_, but for people, yeah, it's kind of hard. The sandworm lunges, and I drag Rikku to the side before it gets us. She's got another grenade out and tosses it over her shoulder in the sandworms path. I hear it blow and the sandworm's angry roar, but the sand is still shifting around it. We finally make it to a door in Home and I shove her inside, looking over my shoulder. The sandworm had given up maybe a few yards ago and decided we morsels weren't worth it. Even if we did incinerate its stomach. It'll grow a new one. "Rikku and Gippal, The Sandworm Survivors!" Rikku says, holding her hands out like she can see it in neon lights. I'm still taking deep breaths from our mad dash.

"Interviewers will be coming from all over Spira," I say. Rikku stands in front of me, holding an imaginary microphone in her hand.

"Gippal, what _exactly _did you do to piss off the sandworm?" she asks in a weird voice.

"Well." I take on a safari accent. Rikku laughs for the shortest second, then goes back to her serious interviewer face. I'm not very good at impressions, but I guess it just makes her laugh harder when I tell a ridiculously untrue version of our adventure. I get a weird urge to hug her, so I just… do. It was a weird thing, one second we were standing on opposite ends of the hallway, and Rikku was nearly doubled over laughing, and then I was holding her. We just stand there for a few seconds, and she starts to shake. I almost let her go, but she lifts her arms up and hugs me back, and a peacefulness that I haven't felt in a solid week courses through me.

"Sometimes, I don't want you to go," she says quietly. I close my eyes.

"Me too," I say into her hair.

* * *

I angrily shove more clothes into the duffel bag.

She really doesn't care at all that I'm probably marching off to my _death_ tomorrow.

_'Oh, that's _tomorrow_? Oci and I are having movie night…_'

_'You can't just go a little bit late?'_

_'Well… she'd probably be mad…'_

Honestly. Chicks.

Mom's been crying all day. Quietly, but I know she has. She started this morning, and I tried to comfort her, but she just got mad and told me to go somewhere else, go check to make sure everything's packed, go say goodbye to some people, go get more toothpaste, go brush my hair, blah blah blah. It's actually hurting a little bit that she doesn't want to be around me on my last night in Home. But I guess we both don't know how to deal with the fact that after tomorrow, we won't be seeing each other every day. And especially dealing with the fact that we might not see each other… _ever_.

But enough with _that_ melodrama…

I don't get why Cid's girl is just _ditching_ me… after all this crap we've done! She almost got me eaten by a sandworm, and all I get is a, 'Oh, sorry, can't make it, but hey, good luck out there!' Well, see if she gets a souvenir when I come back. I abruptly stop shoving the folded shirts into the bag and lean my hands on my bed.

Just as quickly as people had started hanging out with me as if it was the end of the world, they started avoiding me. Buddy was still pretty chill, but a lot of people who I thought were great friends just stopped talking all of a sudden. Does anyone really have that little faith in me? Maybe I'll start thinking of this backwards. They actually have a _ton_ of faith in me, so much that they're sure I'll make it into the Crimson Squad, which is why they're afraid to still be so close to me.

Who knows if I'll even come back, even if I don't get into the Crimson Squad. Who needs this old island anyway? Probably more exciting jobs out there anyway. Ones that will get me real money for mom. No one would miss me. _Especially_ not _Rikku_.

Point is, I thought she at least would come to see me leave. She'd give me one of _her_ hugs, the kind where she wraps her arms around me as tight as they go and pushes her head against my chest. She's gotten into hugging me this past week, and it's nice to just… feel someone, with no strings attached. And now, she's not even coming.

* * *

"You be careful out there… okay?" Cid says to me. I nod once. Mom's sitting in a wheelchair next to him, a solemn look on her face.

"And it's _cold_ out on the sea, and on the mainland, _wear your jacket_," she says. She's already told me this twice, but I feel a shiver go through my bones as I think about it. I don't even like it when the air conditioning is on. Just wait until I see that _snow_ thing…

"'Kay Mom," I say again. I shift the bag on my shoulder and glance back at the little boat that we're driving out to the coast. It's just big enough for two people, and it can still stay afloat in the deep water. I still don't know the other guy's name, the guy who just happens to inexplicably be a sailor. I turn my head and see the door closing, and a smile stretches across my face by accident. She's walking towards me slowly, slower than normal, so I know she's trying to keep calm. I let my bag slip to the floor gently and meet her halfway. She takes a deep breath and stares at my chest. She then reaches up and brushes her hand on my inner forearm and exhales quickly. My anger at her from the past day disappears. We take a step closer and she curls her arms around me just as I imagined she would the whole time I was standing in this dank garage. At least the way she would if she came. I rest my cheek on the top of her head and close my eyes. She whines a bit.

"It's seriously going against my genetic make up to be sorry to see you go," she states in a shaky voice. I grin again against my own will and chuckle a bit.

"It's going against some deeply rooted beliefs to tell you I'll miss you," I reply quietly enough so my mom and Cid won't hear. I almost feel her smile. I pull away so I can see her cheeks dimple with it.

"_Be careful_," she says seriously to me. "Did you get the armor like I told you to?"

"No, Cid's girl, I think they're gonna give some to me," I say, twirling her ponytail around my fingers. She sucks in a deep breath and nods. She squeezes her eyes shut and tugs on my waist for another hug. I gladly return it. After this one, we let go of each other and wordlessly walk back to Cid and my mom.

"They're all ready for you. Get goin', boy," Cid says, shaking my hand firmly. I turn to my mom and lean down to kiss her cheek. She smiles at me with tears in her eyes when I straighten up.

"I love you, Mom," I say with a smile.

"I love you too, Gippy," she says. "You're the best son I could have hoped for," she adds. I exhale in a sort of laugh and look at Rikku.

'Bye,' she mouths to me. I smile tightly at her and haul open the back seat of the truck, tossing my bag inside. I glance back and see Cid grumbling something at Rikku. I open the door to the truck.

I didn't think it was going to be this hard. To just pick up my life and leave, go somewhere where I don't know _anyone_. I've never gone somewhere where I have nobody to talk to or relate to or… _anything_. To see my mom watching me leave, Cid, Rikku… I just wish one of them would suddenly stop me. Ask me to stay. I finally changed my answer I had been telling people all month. People kept asking me, 'Gippal, aren't you scared?' I'd say, 'No, I'm just a little worried.' Well, that's bullshit. I'm scared out of my mind.

"_Gippal_." I turn. Rikku scurries over to me and tentatively reaches up to put her hand on my cheek. She's going to kiss me. She's got that look in her eyes. The same look that's in mine, I know it. She presses her lips together and stands up on her toes. I lean forward. This feels right. This feels like it will give me that little bit of courage. Just enough to get into the car.

And I feel her lips connect… with my cheek. I don't open my eye until she's settled back onto her heels. She gives me a quick smile and backs up. Within three seconds I go through the option of either getting in the car and letting it go, or grabbing the stupid brat by her waist and forcing her to give me a real kiss. But three seconds later, it's already too late. I sigh quickly and turn to the open door, getting in and shutting the door without even glancing out. We drive out of the garage and through the sand at a brisk pace.

"She your sweetheart?" the guy driving the car asks. I cringe slightly at the word. 'Sweethearts' sounds like a word that's reserved for people who are completely, unquestionably in love. Like my parents were. But… I guess she's _my_ sweetheart.

"Yeah…" I say quietly.


End file.
